Around here, over-eating on office food is a must. Almost every day there’s a different treat: bagels, cookies, crackers&dip, donuts. Everyone flocks to the food, noting how they “haven’t eaten yet today” or “deserve a treat every now&then” and guiltily load up on the free garbage. When I first started in this office, I felt obligated – but once I realized the snacks just keep on comin’ I knew my waistline couldn’t handle appeasing my coworkers every time. Now, I never eat the snacks. Thus, I always get what I like to call: “the Bagel Sneer.” I pass on my way to the copy machine and if, by chance, no one cackles at me to devour a carb-monster, I get the stink-eye from the control-less creamcheese-spreaders. I’ve come to enjoy the power. They watch me shrink and I watch them grow. Someday, they’ll look back on the upcoming holiday pictures full of back-fat&fupas and wish they hadn’t been so indulgent at the office all the time.
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