Thursday, January 31, 2013

Hayden Thinspo

A friend had this sitting in her bathroom
so I read Hayden Panettiere's article on health&fitness.
She mostly talked about
the difference between living in LA vs. Nashville.
How her diet&exercise was so hardcore
when she lived in LA
and now that Nashville is so low-key.
She enjoys the foods she craves in moderation
and does workouts she enjoys like hiking
instead of forced&difficult training.
If you can't tell from my past few weeks of exercise
I took the article to heart.
Instead of dreading an hour on the elliptical
I run up&down 4 flights of stairs every hours at work
or simply walk on the treadmill at the gym
since the boyfriend drives there every day anyway.
And I enjoy it so much more.
Sure, there are days that I feel more intense...
today, I planned to walk
and - instead - I found myself running
full-speed at an incredible incline.
But mostly, I just do what I'm feeling
and watch my food intake a little better.
I've stayed at 126.5lbs two mornings in a row
so I think it's working for now.

Day 141

Apple - 80cals
Chicken & Celery Soup - 100cals
Wasabi Peas - 120cals
Spinach w/ Chicken & RedWineVinager - 100cals

Rolling Hill Run - 300cals

NET: 100

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Not for Everyone

126.5lbs this morning.
Hell yes.
I'm getting there.
I'm going down.
I'm working hard.
I will not be stopped.

I understand where she was coming from
exclaiming so passionately that:
"Zero is not a Size"
in an effort to empower our nation's youth.
For those who are "diseased" with an eating disorder
I think her cause was noble&admirable.
But for those - like myself - who choose
to develop&love an eating disorder the
"Eat Less"
shirt is much more beautiful.
I sincerely feel for those
who can't control their thoughts&hatred of themselves
and their body,
but I accept&embrace mine
and simply long for the day that:
ZERO will be my size.

Day 140

Apple - 80cals
Chicken & Celery Soup - 100cals
Grapefruit - 90cals
Sunflower Seeds - 50cals
Spinach w/ Chicken & RedWineVinager - 100cals

Run w/ stairs - 300cals

NET: 130

Tuesday, January 29, 2013


For some odd reason
this song
has been my workout warm-up song.
It's slow
and has no beat to pump me up
but it reminds me of my former self...
the girl who was in the A-Team
- the Thin&Partying Team -
and all the things I did back then
to stay tiny.
My lifestyle will probably never fit into
that mold again...
hence why I like the song.
It's a mindset things
and it gets me thinking
about how hard to I need to work
to at least look like an A-Teamer.

128lbs this morning.
3lbs and 1wk hold
till feather tattoo.

Day 139

Chicken & Celery Soup - 100cals
Grapefruit - 50cals
Wasabi Peas - 150cals
Vegetarian Stir Fry - 200cals

Walk - 100cals
Run w/ Stairs - 250cals

NET: 150

Monday, January 28, 2013

Size Desire

One Tree Hill always tried to insert life lessons.
This one was super silly to me.
"Zero Is Not a Size?"
Well... that's not true.
There's even a size called 00
(a place I'd like to be soon)
and it's a beautiful size to be.
Not that Millie was super fat&disgusting
though she did look a lot better
when she took up a coke habit
and dropped some pounds.
And I find it funny how the same stories
find their way into every TV series.
I feel like any show with a designer
has a "we're short a model" moment
and has to put a "normal girl" on stage
to prove that anyone can be a model.
Not true.
That's that.
Nice try, TVLand, but models are
and they are better for it.

Day 138

Chicken & Celery Soup - 100cals
Grapefruit - 50cals
Spinach & Chicken Breast - 180cals
Natural Peanut Butter - 200cals

Cycling - 200cals
Run w/ Stairs - 100cals

NET: 230

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Rock Bottom

I used to be a wreck.
In highschool&college
I was an absolute shit show.
I drank too much & smoked too much...
ate too little & threw up all the time.
I wore whatever the fuck I wanted
and didn't give a shit
about anything but partying & floating along.
The funniest thing about those days
is that I honestly didn't care about being thin.
I was thin...
but I'd get bloated
get bags under my eyes
get knots in my hair & bruises on my body.
I was thoughtlessly tiny and an absolute mess.
And I loved every single second of my life.

Day 137

Natural Peanut Butter - 200cals
Ground Chicken Nachos - 400cals
Reduced Fat Cinnamon Roll - 130cals
Wheat Pasta w/ Garlic Marinara - 150cals

Run w/ Stairs - 150cals

NET: 730

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Feather Tattoo

I've decided that
when I finally get below 125lbs again
[I said 120lbs, but the BF likes a "managed 125" more]
I'm rewarding myself
with a feather tattoo.
I'm thinking along the bottom of my butt
you know
along that line before the leg starts
(and hopefully I won't have a real line/bulge there)
about 5inches long & 2inches wide.
The boyfriend's pumped.
He wants to add to his tattoo collection
once his upper arms are built to perfection.
This morning:
I was 129.
Still haven't lost my Miami Weekend Weight.

Day 136

Poached Eggs w/ Corned Beef Hash - 400cals
Wheat Pasta w/ Garlic Marinara - 150cals
Cinnamon Roll w/ Cream Cheese Frosting - 200cals

Leg Workout - 200cals
Walk w/ Stairs - 100cals

NET: 450

Friday, January 25, 2013

L!fe Happens

I decided to watch L!fe Happens today
while I was working from home.
It was full of actors&actresses I love
so I figured it to be a great choice
and I was absolutely correct.
Not only was it a well-put-together
funny&heartwarming movie
but it was surprisingly thinspirational.
all tiny&beautiful ladies.
At one point...
Kate Bosworth was making a smoothie in the kitchen
and as she reached her arms out to work the blender
every bone in her body protruded.
A wonderfully thinspiring sight. 
I must.must.must get my shit together.
"Are there any more burritos left?"
"I guess I'll just eat a hot sauce packet."
-L!fe Happens

I'd love it if the boyfriend got a job in California.
Being in that sunshine
and surrounded by those beautiful people
would definitely be a constant thinspiration.

Day 135

Turkey Lettuce Wrap - 85cals
Wasabi Peas - 100cals
Vegan Chocolate IceCream - 350cals
Chicken & Pepper Stir Fry - 145cals
Crinkle Cut French Fries - 120cals

Run w/ Stairs - 150cals

NET: 650 [550]

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Non-Eating LA

In the 2nd LA episode of Season 3
of Sex & the City
when Miranda meets up with one a
New York turned LA resident friend
who'd lost 30lbs.
She's enticed by his new mindset&looks
until she realizes just how hard he's working
to keep those pounds off
after she see him chewing his steak
then spitting it into his napkin.
"What are you doing?"
"Do you think I look this good by eating!?"

I need to remember that.

Day 134

Apple - 60cals
Chicken & Celery Soup - 100cals
Wasabi Peas - 100cals
Popcorn - 50cals
Peanut Butter - 190cals
Chicken & Pepper Stir Fry - 150cals

Elliptical - 100cals
Walk w/ Stairs - 100cals

NET: 450

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

MK&A Thinspo

The Olson twins have always been a source of thinspiration for me.
They've beautiful&thin
and it all seems so effortless for them.
[though I know that's not true.]
Their movies are silly&cheesy
and they've dropped out of the spotlight recently.
But I love their clothes&hair
and their big, pouty eyes are perfect.
And since I've always been a bit of a hippie
my absolute favorite is MK.
Obviously, though, I haven't done as well
skipping meals
as MK did for a while.
I may be keeping my caloric intake low
but not low enough
and I haven't been working out for shit.
Maybe I'll fast tomorrow...
I need to shrink this stomach back down.

Day 133

Apple - 60cals
Chicken & Celery Soup - 100cals
Wasabi Peas - 100cals
Popcorn - 50cals
Peanut Butter - 190cals
Turkey Burger w/ Cheese - 300cals
Fat Free Collage Cheese - 40cals

Elliptical - 100cals
Walk w/ Stairs - 100cals

NET: 640

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Cig-Free Bitch

I borrowed a book from a girlfriend Saturday morning
spent the weekend reading the whole thing.
Skinny Bitch.
I know, I know... cliche
and everyone's who's ever thought
they could be tiny has read it.
I found it kind of crazy that the opening page
discussed the need to quit smoking.
I haven't discussed it on my blog
...maybe because I was thinking:
if I don't make a big deal
I'll actually succeed.
But I guess I might as well say it out loud:
I haven't smoked a cigarette since December 30, 2012.
Not really because of any of the reasons listed
but I'll admit there are some great reasons to quit.
I'll get into other aspects of the book I liked&disliked
in later posts.

Day 132

Apple - 60cals
Chicken & Celery Soup - 100cals
Wasabi Peas - 100cals
Romaine w/ FF Cottage Cheese - 100cals

Run w/ Stairs - 100cals
Elliptical - 150cals

NET: 110

Monday, January 21, 2013

the Carrie Diaries

Considering my love for Sex & the City
it's no surprise that I was pumped
to see the commercials
on Mondays @ 8 on the CW.
I've only seen one episode so far
but I really like it.
The main actress has big
[or should I say tiny]
beautiful&fashionable shoes&outfits to fill
in her role as the young Carrie Bradshaw
and I look forward to seeing her character unfold
and her clothing displayed.

Day 131

Sugar Free Instant Oatmeal - 100cals
Side Salad w/ FF Italian - 50cals
Cooked Carrots - 25cals
Fried Eggs w/ FF Cheddar - 320cals
Toast - 60cals

Run w/ Stairs - 210cals

NET: 345

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Skinny Porn

Speaking of masturbation...
[see yesterday's post]
I'll be the first to admit that:
I love porn.
I tend to use it as a distractionary tool
like when I had a big paper due in college...
I wasted my first hour of "research time"
watching porn.
And once I'd used up all 5 free-views
[recently I've switched to redtube]
I'd decide it was time to actually do work.
I rarely watch a whole video.
And I rarely turn up the volume.
Oddly enough,
I like to scroll through the categories
looking at the photo previews
and trying to find my favorite, skinny girls.

...Sex can make or break
how skinny I feel.
If I'm feeling tiny and I bend&flex in bed
I feel more motivated to stay tiny.
If I'm feeling chunky or sloppy,
I don't feel sexy and don't want to have sex...

This girl is tiny.
And this page is bookmarked.

Day 130

Fried Eggs - 200cals
Romaine w/ Ranch&Croutons - 150cals
Cheese Bread w/ Ranch - 350cals

Walk - 150cals

NET: 550

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Miranda's Binge

Season 4 of Sex & the City this weekend.
Episode 4 was too good not to blog about.
Miranda gives up sex
and starts binge-eating chocolate.
It's sad, yet hysterical.
She makes a cake
eats most of it
throws the rest out and
- completely tortured -
picks it out of the garbage to eat the rest.
I can't say I've ever eaten anything our of the garbage.
But I've definitely baked something
then thrown it away
so I wouldn't actually eat it.
I'd definitely pick masturbation/sex
over binge-eating chocolate.

Day 129

Pumpkin Pancakes w/ Blackberry Syrup - 475cals
Greek Salad - 140cals
Fried Eggs & Turkey Sausage - 375cals

Walk w/ Stairs - 100cals

NET: 890

Thursday, January 17, 2013

LC's Months

The boyfriend&I decided we'd try
a version of these suggestions
made in one of LC's blog posts.
Some of her posts are so great.
Obviously, she's thin&beautiful
so she's worth following
(in my opinion)
and taking some advice from.
Even though we are tweaking
what we plan to give up every month,
it's fun to have a partner in dieting
and a goal.
And a month without something
seems so manageable.
I've cheated on my non-dairy-plan
a couple times...
so maybe we'll try that one of our months.

Day 127

Wasabi Peas - 100cals
Vegetable Stir Fry - 170cals
Greek Salad - 300cals
Perogies - 140cals

Run w/ Stairs - 200cals

NET: 510

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Weekend Blogging

Food tracking "for my blog" over my weekend vacation
was really helpful.
Though I still gained
- 127lbs the morning I left -
- 136lbs the afternoon I got home -
- 129lbs this morning -
I knew how much I was intaking or planning to intake
even in an unhealthy&unhelpful environment.
I felt good - looked good - and tried to behave.
Since we've been home
we've been too busy to grocery shop I've been eating what we happen to have.
I can't wait for this weekend
so I can get to the grocery store
and prep my meals for next week.
But thankfully
I am pretty happy that I kept track of myself
over this past weekend
and now I just have to get back on track.

Day 126

Radishes - 15cals
Black Bean Patty w/ Olives - 215cals
Romaine w/ Croutons&Tuna - 150cals
Peanut Butter - 285cals

Run w/ Stairs - 250cals

NET: 415

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Goal Options

Bodybuilding: Female bodybuilders are graded much like their male counterparts. However, judges look for these women to maintain a feminine look. 

Bikini: Bikini athletes must have a healthy physique; judges are not looking for striated muscularity or definition. They're graded for their symmetry, confidence, skin tone, and grace. 

Figure: Figure judges seek a more feminine physique than bodybuilding, but look for more athletic, muscular, and conditioned physiques than bikini athletes.

Fitness: These women demonstrate their strength, flexibility, and fitness in a choreographed routine. They'll also be judged in a side-by-side bikini round. 

Women's Physique (new): These competitors are more muscular than figure athletes, but are not hard, defined, or dry like bodybuilders.

Day 125

Vegetarian Stir Fry - 200cals
Spinach w/ Tuna&Ranch - 200cals


Run w/ Stairs - 100cals

NET: 300

Monday, January 14, 2013

Some Goals

A link to the article did on the MADE girl
who inspired me.
I'm actually getting more and more excited about this...
Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone.

If you want to change, you can't continue down the same road. Push beyond what you think is possible.

Enlist The Help Of A Mentor.
Having someone who has been in the trenches can be a huge asset to achieving your physique or fitness goals. A mentor will keep you accountable, cheer for you, educate you, and give you a shoulder to lean—or cry—on.

Prioritize Your Time.
Fitting fitness into a busy schedule can be challenging and stressful. But with proper time management and organization, you'll be much more equipped to handle anything.

Have A Good Support System.
Along the way, you may find who people don't understand what you're doing. Forget them. Surround yourself with people who will buoy you throughout!

Your Mind Is Your Most Valuable Tool.
If you think you can't do it, you won't. A strong body can't happen without a strong mind.

Day 124

Tuna Salad Lettuce Wrap - 390cals
Spinach w/ Crouton&Chicken&Light Dressing - 200cals

Run w/ Stairs - 100cals

NET: 490cals

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Weekend Results

When adding up my 2 days of vacation food
it doesn't look so good.
I didn't feel like I did that poorly,
but I definitely could have done better.
We indulged.
The boyfriend kept saying
"eat now, cause starting Monday, you'll have none."
So I indulged..
probably too much...
and I'm sitting here wishing I'd behaved.
But I could have been worse.
And I could have been better.
Tomorrow morning's weigh-in will not be fun.
Throughout the trip, though
I felt very thin&beautiful.
I ran around the hotel in my bikini
and laid on the beach & by the pool
feeling very confident in my body.
And the boyfriend let me know how little I looked
and how much he liked it
so that helped my say "no" a bit
until I had some drinks and slammed naughties.

Days 122-123

Two Days of Vacation Foods:
Hard-boiled Eggs - 230cals
Sausage - 270cals
White Chicken Chili - 545cals
Egg Roll Mozzarella Sticks - 240cals
Monte Cristo Sandwich - 515cals
French Fries - 415cals
Jack's Pizza - 1200cals
Truffles - 480cals
Wine - 875cals

Walk (while shopping) - 200cals
Sex - 300cals
Dance - 300cals

NET: 3970 [3870]

Friday, January 11, 2013

Sex & Thinspo

The boyfriend bought me
the entire Sex & the City series
for Christmas.
I decided to start watching it with this serious diet.
Skinny&Successful Women having lots of Sex
is quite good thinspiration for me.
All the outfits Carrie wears are so adorable&tiny.
Someday I hope to wear
short tops and high-waisted pants&skirts
or any of the silly things she pulls off so easily
because a skinny body can wear anything.

Day 121

Side Salad w/ Raspberry Vinaigrette - 70cals
Chicken & Dumpling Soup - 100cals
Pineapple Carrot Bread - 80cals
Spinach w/ Chicken & Vinaigrette - 200cals
Mocha Truffle - 100cals
Riesling Wing - 350cals

Sex - 300cals

NET: 600

Thursday, January 10, 2013


"None of the waitresses at SUR are over a size 2."
Bravo TV has a million thinspirational shows.
Everyone is tiny
and shameless about accepting&requiring the tininess.
With little&plastic women
running around their sunshine-filled cities
and beautiful&youthful socialites
living their lives so fashionably&fun-filled
makes me want to perfect my body
and show myself off more often
in this warm climate I thrive in.
I need to be taking more advantage of my surroundings.

- on the page of surroundings -
I'm excited to spend the weekend in Miami with the BF.
We'll obviously be eating out and drinking.
But we'll also be in bikinis and fucking a lot.
So maybe we'll behave more than I think...

Day 120

Grapefruit - 50cals
Clementine - 35cals
Chicken & Celery Soup - 100cals
Dove Dark Chocolates - 210cals
Turkey Sausage - 110cals
Spanish Rice - 150cals

Run w/ Stairs - 150cals

NET: 505

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Consistant (finally)

So, I've been doing pretty well with the hCG Diet.
I've had Red Wine Vinegar on my salad ever night
and some Fat Free Italian on my lunch veggies today
and a few pieces of desperation candy
at the end of my work day
cause I thought I was going to starve to death
(not possible)
but, sides those here&theres
I think I've been pretty good.
And, I've consistently weighed between 127-128lbs
from morning to night all week
which makes me incredibly happy.
It's hard to work out - burn calories - & not to eat.
But when I see results
like a bit of weightloss
and the ability to keep it off
I feel motivated enough not to give up & binge.