PostSecret Facts

Timehop Reminder

This photo came up on my Timehop

and I was so shocked by how small I used to be...

I mean, sure, I was younger

...but I wasn't a child...

so the childish frame&legs&arms just threw me off.

I don't even remember looking that way.

I was a much better version of myself 6 years ago.

I really need to get my shit together.

Holiday Exercise

I kicked off the Thanksgiving holiday with lots of exercise.

After a few too many drinks at the bar...

the boyfriend got a ride with his friends

and left me 3.5miles from home

so I walked&ran the whole way alone at 2am.

Though I was fuming from the neglect

I wasn't mad about the exercise

and I felt nice&thin in the morning.

I spent the rest of the weekend doing a lot of walking

while visiting family&friends

so I think I actually did really well!

...If I had a scale, I'd weigh myself.

Maybe after the new year.

Thighs & Diet

I bought this book forever ago.

I think I'll finally read it.

I can't say it'll be too useful with my training,

but the thinspo can't hurt.

And the pyramid below looks beautiful

especially with my training.

Lots of liquids&supplements

to boost my energy and restore my muscles.

I've got this.

Garter&Legs

Garter Fun

The boyfriend&I went to a wedding last month

and the pictures are finally out.

I caught the bouquet and he the garter

so they called us on stage

and [in our drunkeness] we acted pretty silly.

I must admit:

I didn't look so bad.

I'd done a good job dieting for that dress

and my legs looked alright while

the boyfriend is exposed my crotch.

I definitely need to keep losing

but it's nice to see my progress on film.

Thin Thighs

 My thighs have never been thin

but occasionally they'll look small.

The winter of 2009 [see photo above] they were little

and recently they shrink right after a cycling sess

but they've never been consistantly ittybitty.

I just bought the book:

"Thin Thighs in 30 Days"

I think it's an older book

but I remember wanting it years ago

so I went ahead and ordered it.

My plan is to really have a kick-ass January.

I know - I know

everyone has a New Years Resolution

but I'm gonna take mine very seriously

and I need an End of January Motivator.

Petite Pants

Size 2 Petite Work Pants
- Ann Taylor no less -
a tiny-professional-person dresser.

White Tee

This was one of my favorite t-shirts.

(back in the day)

I remember wearing it with this pair of

old-worn-out jeans

and feeling so sexy.

A t-shirt&jeans made me feel unstopable.

Nowaday, I have to wear big sweaters

leggings&tights

bodysuites&undershirts

to ensure I'm hiding my fat body.

Last Thursday, though, I went t-shirt&jeans

and felt surprisingly good.

Sure, I'm still a solid 10lbs heavier

than I was in the above pictures

but I'm getting back to where I was

and getting back to feeling good.

Slowly but surely.

Walk & Burn

This past weekend I went to Chicago

for a day of shopping with my mom.

She has this thing called a FitBit

that hooks to your body and calculates your exercise.

According to her

we walked 18,038 seps totalling 7.42 miles

and burned 2,264 calories.

Pretty impressive for shopping

and considering we only ate one meal the whole day

our NET was exactly what I like to see.

Too bad I can't walk that much every day.

Back to daily cycling till Christmas instead.

Random Girl

I'm "friends" with this random girl on FB.

I saw her post a picture the other day

and thought: "dang, she's skinny."

Then I realized I didn't know how I knew her

so I scrolled through her profile pictures

and realized that she used to be fat.

I bet she's lost 20-25lbs

and dyed her hair from black to blonde.

She looks adorable&tiny now.

I think it's impressive

that she owns her "fat days"

instead of deleting&hiding them all.

I need to be reminded of my disgusting days

to ensure I never want to be that way again.

Motivation...

I've actually cycled every night this week.

GO ME!

I force the boyfriend to time me

and make sure I never got off the bike

and I read a book while I peddle.

My legs are feeling nice&tight.

My thighs will be tiny by Christmas.

I'll be out of town this weekend

so I'll have to double up tomorrow night

walk extra fast&hard on Saturday while shopping

and get back to it Sunday evening.

Let's see how many dollars I can save.

...and I really should invest in some sticks&cups.

I've just been doing 100crunches & planks nightly.

Cycle Night

It's been cold&rainy

and I keep using it as an excuse

not to go to the gym.

So, I went out last night

and bought an exercise bike.

I bought the already-set-up one

which was 10% off

and I didn't have to do any assembling.

So I dragged it up my stairs

(after finding a million store employees to help me)

when I got home

and hopped right on to cycle.

It was nice to watch TV in my cozy room

and exercise without going anywhere.

I'm gonna have a nice tight butt

and thin thighs by January 1st, 2014.

No Fucking Way.

I have fat thighs.

I have no sex.

I have to find mia.

In my case, though, it's Pizza.

And my thighs never get smaller.

I seriously have to get my shit together.

My man won't fuck me at all.

I'm always too fat to be fuckable.

I need sex - I need the body for sex.

I loved Mia for years&years.

I tend to decide I cannot keep it up.

I must fall back into Mia & become tiny.

Eating Liquids

A friend of the boyfriend's

has a tiny girlfriend

and I always assumed she was just

"one of those naturally thin girls"

but I found out the other weekend

just how untrue that is

when he got a little tipsy

and started complaining

about how she never eats.

They just moved in together

(just down the street from our house)

and he said they have no food in the house

which shocked me

cause I figured she ate like a horse

and happened to stay itty-bitty.

He said she focuses on "calories"

instead of food...

...she "eats" an energy drink or frapaccino

instead of chewing on a meal.

I started looking through her old pictures

after hearing what he said.

She definitely used to be "softer."

I found a picture from a wedding a year ago

compared to a wedding she was just in

and she's much bonier.

I need to adopt that mindset!

I'm a fat-disgusting pizza-slamming hog.

I didn't eat one healthy thing all weekend

and now I have a wedding to attend Friday

in a cute dress with a huge body.

Must behave this week.

Absolutely must.

Over-Sized Thin

My brother came to visit me last weekend.

He has the body of a male model

and always makes me feel fat&disgusting

(not on purpose - he'd never talk down to me)

and he loves to encourage when I'm tiny.

We went shopping on Sunday morning

and he commented on my clothing choices.

He thought my gigantic sweaters were fun

and complimentary on my small frame

which I felt to be an excellent observation.

Over-Sized Sweaters & Tights & Booties

are my prefered outfit these days.

Sometimes I feel like the tinier I get

the bigger my clothes get...

I like feeling like I'm swimming in them.

Maybe it's silly, but it makes me happy.

I need to stop eating all this naughty shit, though.

I've had SO MUCH PIZZA lately

I could kill myself by drowning in marinara!

It's disgusting.

And disturbing.

And I'll never look good

...no matter how big my clothes are!

Shopping Decisions

I've been shopping lately

which probably isn't the smartest thing

since I now own an expensive house

but I just can't help myself.

I feel so unmotivated to get thin

when I'm not excited about my own closet

so I tell myself that buying something new

will make me want to look good to wear it.

Like these cute witch boots that need thin legs:

It's also a great distraction.

I went out for a snack mid-afternoon today

and instead of buying anything naughty to eat

I went for a little shopping trip.

Two size small dresses for a small price.

Motivation to get thinner for them.

Now I just need more tights&cardigans.

HalloweenThin

I woke up Saturday morning feeling empty&small.

The feeling occurs much more often lately.

Finally.

I've gotten it together.

I've gotten my drive back.

I've gotten by head back in the right place.

I believe in myself.

I believe in my ability.

I believe in my self-control.

Weigh-In: 125.5lbs

Unfortunately, I didn't look as small as I felt.

The pictures don't showcase my efforts.
Thunder Thighs & Bloated Belly
...gross...

Pictures from now on definitely will.

Old Habits, New Look

I haven't purged in a long time.

Sure, I've done a lot of binging

but I haven't purged the binges.

Today, though, I couldn't stop myself.

After a weekend of stretching my stomach

and forgetting my adderal at home

I was in a munchie mood all day.

I ate my healthy salad

then proceeded to get chips&guac and froyo.

As I walked up the stairs I realized:

I have to throw this up.

So I did.

And boy am I out of practice.

I spewed it past the toilet and out my nose.

Disgusting.

Not only did I have to clean up

but my nose is congested and eyes all puffy.

Maybe it will teach me not to binge at all.

Bursted Blood Vessels

I also haven't change the look of my blog

...not once in almost two years.

Unfortunately, my photo editor quit working

so I can't match that bright pink filter anymore.

Now, though, my blog matches my personality

...I was never really very girly or bright.

And now I can start posting personal photos again

since I've been unable without an editor.

New Template Cover

Adderall Fact

This is very true...

especially for my recent week.
When attempting to "get back in the game"
a little help is always appreciated
and when I feel like I'm running on empty
Addy keeps me motivated&functioning
(and literally empty)
which makes me feel so hopeful.
Last night the boyfriend&I got together
with our newly-married couple-friends
(I've refered to the wife in previous posts)
http://beneathbones.blogspot.com/2013/04/running-goals.html
and today was her first day back to nursing.
She talked about her 4 days of 12-hour shifts
and claimed "I'll be too tired even to eat!"
Of course not.
You're tiny, adorable, and newly married, girl
...you would have the best exuce not to eat.
I plan to be too busy to eat.
I actually was last night...
I went to get artwork framed for our new house
and got lost in craft-store-world
for about 2 hours
which cut out dinner time.
.Apples&Wine instead.