KEEP GOING

I'm the maid-of-honor in my best friend's wedding

and she's started getting discouraged with her bridal diet.

In the first 2 weeks, she dropped 7lbs

(she doesn't have much to lose in the first place)

and now she's at a stand-still.

Her frustration reminded me of this saying:



MonoThin

I need mono.

One of my college girlfriends has been sick

...for like a month...

and finally found out that it's mono.

I felt bad

but mostly I felt jealous

of all the weight she'll lose.

Black&Whites

i often think this about our lack of sex

i'd rather have all my clothes hang off my bones

i've gotten on the scale once - it sucked

Body Lately

Figured I should "show off" my current body with a few snaps from the recent month.

I say "show off" because it's nothing noteworthy

and "show off" is the only phrase I can think off to display my current state.

A state that is soft&flabby with lovehandles&innerthighbulges.

I haven't really weighed myself all year... but I'm sure I'm still in the 125-130lb range

and at 5'3" ...that's way too big.

I dunno, I just feel like I haven't cracked down enough.

Sure, I run, but I don't balance that out with a perfect diet

meaning I'm not getting all the results I want and it's really stupid of me.

Maybe now that the 4th of July holiday is over

(and I did really well not falling off the wagon all weekend)

I'll be motivated to eat perfect till the half marathon then little/nothing on vacation.

Fingers crossed. Mind set.

Unnecessary Problem

I'm in a girlfriend's wedding this fall and at lunch this past weekend

she informed me that both her shower&wedding dresses don't fit anymore!

She's gained 25lbs since purchasing them and needs to drop it before fittings in August.

Oy.

Sadly, she's one friend I really don't believe will succeed.

She's the only person I know who ran out and tried taco bell breakfast.

And she posted about how much she wanted to try a mac-n-cheese topped hotdog!

Disgusting.

I hope for her sake she can get it together,

but some people just have horrible eating habits and even the need is dire

- like fitting into a wedding dress -

the success is just impossible based on mindset.

Step 1 to fitting into a wedding dress: stop eating shit



Two Years Later

...:Two Years Later:...

I was so gigantically fat in 2011...
I don't know how I snagged my boyfriend then.
Easily 140lbs ...how disgusting I was.
When I think about drunkely fucking him
getting ready for dates
thinking that I was better than him...
I was gross&huge
and lucky that he liked me anyway.
Now, though, I'm much better than I was.
Now, though, he should feel lucky to have me.
Now, though, he should fuck me more often.
I will continue to shrink.
I will always be good enough for him
(maybe even better than him)
and he'll always know he wants me.

TODAY's WEIGH-IN: 125lbs

HalloweenThin

I woke up Saturday morning feeling empty&small.

The feeling occurs much more often lately.

Finally.

I've gotten it together.

I've gotten my drive back.

I've gotten by head back in the right place.

I believe in myself.

I believe in my ability.

I believe in my self-control.

Weigh-In: 125.5lbs

Unfortunately, I didn't look as small as I felt.

The pictures don't showcase my efforts.
Thunder Thighs & Bloated Belly
...gross...

Pictures from now on definitely will.

BF&WeighIn

I think the reunion is in full swing.

finally.

And, the best part:

my boyfriend tends to be on board.

...whatever it takes...

Current Weight: 128lbs

Just keep going
DOWN
DOWN
DOWN

Biking

I know I've made lots of plans&promises in this blog.

"I'm going to lose this much by this time."

"I'm going to run this far by this time."

.bla.bla.bla.

But, I'll admit: I've been horrible lately.

I've been munching on garbarge

and barely exercizing.

It's naughty naughty naughty.

And I'm getting back on track.

No jokes.

No "desires."

No goals I know I'll never reach.

I need to be healthy.

So, here's my plan:

(And I'm sticking to it.)

OK FOODS:

Chicken Breast, Deli Meat, Turkey Burgers

Pickles, Steamed Veggies, Peanut Butter

Protien Shakes, Salads

NECESSARY EXERCISE:

Biking to the Gym, Treadmill Walks

Muscle-Group Lifts, 500 Crunches&Jacks
EVERY NIGHT

Thin Goals

I thought I was a MunchMonster last week

but this weekend was even worse.

The boyfriend had a bunch of buddies in town

and we ate&played&drank all weekend.

 I really really really need to get back on track.

I feel like without the motivation of vacation
(the thought of my body in a bikini)

I can't convince myself to behave

and before I know it

I'll have packed on 10lbs

and hate myself.

It's sad that I need a constant goal

to keep thin-thoughts in my mind.

I used to be so dedicated.

Ugh.

So frustrated.

Look at these fat thighs...

these disgusting&gigantic legs.

I have so much work to do.

Monday Size

I found this horribly-disgusting-fat-picture of me

while scrolling through old posts the other day

and decided I'd do a little Before&After.

This was 2010,

which seems like ages ago.

I was at a summer music festival

runnin' around in my bra&undies...

and, at the time, I knew I was fat,

but I don't think I really realized how fat.

I have no idea what I weighed back then...

Probably higher than the highest weight I accept,

which is totally shameful.

Never again.

July 2010

May 2013

SixMonthsLater

One Half Year

Six Months

Only10lbs Down

...I guess it's better than nothing.

http://beneathbones.blogspot.com/2012/09/finally-weighed-myself-today-to-know.html

I didn't drink any alcohol

from February 3rd to now.

And I don't plan on

picking drinking back up

as much as I had last year.

No more booze belly.

Less than a month

till a good friend's wedding...

I guess I won't drink till then.

Slowly Dropping

Woohoo!

Not only did I have a healthy dinner on Friday

but I also worked out on Saturday morning

and behaved myself despite a weekend with my

sometimes-naughty-family.

I weighed in on my mom's scale at 125.2lbs.

Pretty good considering her scale is right on track

with the doctor's scale.

Can't complain about that weight.

I'm not dropping like I'd like, 

but slow-and-steady wins the race.

.5&aWeek

125.5lbs this morning.

So close!

I still have to drop .5

and

maintain it for a week

before I can reward myself with a tattoo.

Ugh.

Slow&Steady wins the race, I suppose.

I can't believe I'm at an all-time low
for the past year
and I'm still not even
under 125lbs OR 10lbs down.
Pathetic.
Especially for how hard I work.

My Scale

My mother – who’s been feeding into my weight obsession since I can remember – sent me her old scale in the mail and I finally received it over the weekend. She claims it’s entirely accurate – having weighed in at home then heading directly to the doctor’s office to find the same weight – so I’m excited to actually use this scale. It’s so inconvenient to use the gym scale. In one of my three gym location options, the scale is in the office, so I have to ask to use it. No thanks. And in the other two, it’s right in the middle of the weight-lifting machines. It’ll be nice to have a good scale to keep track of myself on. I put it right next to my desk (where I sit down to type all these posts) so it’s a nice, little motivator&reminder.

And, even after my awful weekend, I weighed in on Monday morning and I’d lost .5lbs. woohoo. I guess one blown weekend didn’t completely kill me.
Now I just have to convince myself to only do Monday weigh-ins instead of hopping on and checking a million times a day.

One Year Woops

My One Year Anniversary came&went

and I didn't even realize it.

I had a goal to lose by that date

(November 7th)

but I definitely didn't make it to

whatever goal that was...

That's seems to by how it's been going with me

for years.

I set goals

and dates to reach them by

then the dates come&go

and the fat stays right where it is.

I really really wish I'd just

get my shit together.

I entirely sure that I'm on the right tract

but I have to make sure I

keep it up

for good

this time.

This morning's weigh-in:

128.5lbs.