Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Oh, Amazon.

...the things you find on Amazon.
Some people's reviews of items crack me up
and make me jealous
when they talk about how tiny they are.
I want to be able to say that I'm "very petite"
and proudly proclaim a 95lb weight.
Also, I really don't understand
why that model doesn't have a shirt on...
especially with those lovehandles.
So random.

Day 353

Banana Nut Bread - 100cals
Celery & Hummus - 150cals
Chips & Queso - 300cals
Veggie Patty - 150cals


Tuesday, November 26, 2013

White Tee

This was one of my favorite t-shirts.
(back in the day)
I remember wearing it with this pair of
old-worn-out jeans
and feeling so sexy.
A t-shirt&jeans made me feel unstopable.
Nowaday, I have to wear big sweaters
to ensure I'm hiding my fat body.
Last Thursday, though, I went t-shirt&jeans
and felt surprisingly good.
Sure, I'm still a solid 10lbs heavier
than I was in the above pictures
but I'm getting back to where I was
and getting back to feeling good.
Slowly but surely.

Day 352

Yogurt - 150cals
Salad w/ Hardboiled Egg - 400cals
Pizza - 300cals

Cycling - 600cals

NET: 250

Monday, November 25, 2013

TV Thin

TV is such a wonderful source for Thinspo.
Well - sictoms are...
...reality TV is full of fatties.
Like TLC - goodness, so many chunkers.
First there's Brothers and Sisters
Kitty (Calista Flockhart) looking tiny as ever
and then there's Hart of Dixie
a show full of skinny characters including
I think it's nice to see those bony celebs on TV.
When I was in California
I went to a taping of the Kris Jenner Show
(which, laughably, is already cancelled)
and the episode featured Denise Richards.
She was rediculously thin...
even thinner than she looks in pictures&TV
so it proves the camera really does add pounds!

Day 351

Yogert - 150cals
Salad w/ Hard Boiled Egg - 200cals
Pickle - 10cals
Chili w/ Fritos - 500cals
Cookie Dough - 100cals

Cycling - 250cals

NET: 710

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Walk & Burn

This past weekend I went to Chicago
for a day of shopping with my mom.
She has this thing called a FitBit
that hooks to your body and calculates your exercise.
According to her
we walked 18,038 seps totalling 7.42 miles
and burned 2,264 calories.
Pretty impressive for shopping
and considering we only ate one meal the whole day
our NET was exactly what I like to see.
Too bad I can't walk that much every day.
Back to daily cycling till Christmas instead.

Days 349-350

Day 349
Pizza w/ Garlic - 400cals
Diet Coke - 0
Sausage & Cheese Cubes - 200cals

All-Day Shopping Walk - 2250cals

Day 350
Corned Beef Hash & Eggs - 400cals
Boneless Wings - 300cals
Cookie - 100cals

Walk w/ Stairs - 150cals

NET: -1000

Friday, November 22, 2013

Celeb Bones

This bony celebs are very thinspirational to me.
Where are my bones?
They need to show themselves.
These woman clearly work hard
to show off thie bones
whether they admit it or not.
And I need to work hard, too.
Esther Anderson
Denise Richards
Selma Blair

Day 348

Yogert - 150cals
Turkey Chili - 150cals
Tortilla Chips - 100cals
Vegetable Soup - 150cals


Walk w/ Stairs - 150cals

NET: 400

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Random Girl

I'm "friends" with this random girl on FB.
I saw her post a picture the other day
and thought: "dang, she's skinny."
Then I realized I didn't know how I knew her
so I scrolled through her profile pictures
and realized that she used to be fat.
I bet she's lost 20-25lbs
and dyed her hair from black to blonde.
She looks adorable&tiny now.
I think it's impressive
that she owns her "fat days"
instead of deleting&hiding them all.
I need to be reminded of my disgusting days
to ensure I never want to be that way again.

Day 347

Salad - 150cals
Chips & Queso - 250cals
Pumpkin Bread - 150cals
Bacon - 100cals

Cycling - 250cals

NET: 400

Wednesday, November 20, 2013


I've actually cycled every night this week.
force the boyfriend to time me
and make sure I never got off the bike
and I read a book while I peddle.
My legs are feeling nice&tight.
My thighs will be tiny by Christmas.
I'll be out of town this weekend
so I'll have to double up tomorrow night
walk extra fast&hard on Saturday while shopping
and get back to it Sunday evening.
Let's see how many dollars I can save.
...and I really should invest in some sticks&cups.
I've just been doing 100crunches & planks nightly.

Day 346

Pumpking Bread - 250cals
Salad w/ Hardboiled Egg - 150cals
Pizza w/ Bacon - 300cals

Cycling - 250cals

NET: 450

Tuesday, November 19, 2013


Oh, those Simpson girls.
Since I was young
they've been a million different sizes
and Ash has had a million differen styles
but I love them when they're tiny.
I mean, Jessica when she was itty bitty
is perfection
and the way they both look like bobble heads
when they're skinny.
I want to look like a bobble head.

Day 345

Non-Fat Latte - 200cals
Salad w/ Hardboiled Eggs - 300cals
Celery w/ Ranch - 150cals

Cycling - 200cals
Walk w/ Stairs - 150cals

NET: 300

Monday, November 18, 2013

Miranda Thin

I always feel sorry for her
when I see her looking gigantic
in her skimpy outfits next to her hot husband.
Apparently now she's got it "under control"
though I feel like she'll forever be
one of "those girls" who goes up&down.
She credits:
portion control&cardio.
That seems easy enough...
maybe with the quitting drinking
I actually succeed for once.

Day 434

Yogert - 150cals
Salad w/ Eggs - 300cals
Non-Fat Latte - 150cals

Cycling - 300cals

NET: 300

Sunday, November 17, 2013

GoingOut Outfit

This weekend I showcased my
sweater-tights-boots look
for a night out at the bar with some friends.
I felt pretty good.
Also this weekend was a friend's wedding.
I felt like a fatso all week
but I tried to dehydrate enough
to make myself look good.
I had big plans to get ready...
but I left work late and ran behind
meaning my "getting ready" was quick
and the only redeeming qualities were:
good hair & super high heels.
Then I got wasted and passed out on the table.
Starting NOW:
No Drinking till 2014.
Hopefully I'll lose some weight.

Days 432-433

Day 432
Corned Beef Hash Omlette - 500cals
Lemon Rice Soup - 150cals
Wings - 300cals
Carrots w/ Ranch - 150cals

Walking - 200cals

Day 433
Bagel w/ Cream Cheese - 200cals
Greek Salad - 200cals
Pizza - 200cals
Mozzarella Sticks - 200cals
Almond Cream Cake - 200cals

Raking - 200cals
Walking - 200cals

NET: 1500

Friday, November 15, 2013

Melissa&Joey Thin

I've been watching Melissa & Joey on Netflix.
It's actually a pretty cute show.
And Joey Lawrence is incredibly hot.
- on the other hand -
fluctuates very obviously with her weight.
I'm sure she was having babies in "real life"
and she's an adult woman now
so the struggle is understandable
but I thought it was kind of awkward
the way the writers chose to handle her ups&downs.
They'd often make jokes about her eating&boozing
showcasing her love for donuts&wine
(odd since she's the gardian for 2 teens and drinks all the time)
almost to overcompensate for "accepting" her weight gain.
Then Joey Lawrence was always shown off
like a priced specimin of the male body
and they constantly play up how much we works out.
Another interesting observation:
(Mel's teenage niece)
definitely thins our throughout the seasons.

Day 431

Yogert - 150cals
Pumpkin Seeds - 150cals
Tuna Salad w/ Crackers - 200cals
Stemed Veggies - 100cals
Wine - 500cals

Dance - 200cals

NET: 900

Thursday, November 14, 2013


Today I'm wearing flower pants.
My thighs look gigantic.
I hope someday I'll put these on
and my legs will look adorable
and I'll wear them with confidence
instead of hiding behind my desk.

Day 430

Yogert - 140cals
Tuna Salad w/ Crackers - 200cals
Cottage Cheese - 100cals
Eggs - 300cals
Wine - 100cals
Beer - 100cals

Walk w/ Stairs - 200cals

NET: 740

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Cycle Night

It's been cold&rainy
and I keep using it as an excuse
not to go to the gym.
So, I went out last night
and bought an exercise bike.
I bought the already-set-up one
which was 10% off
and I didn't have to do any assembling.
So I dragged it up my stairs
(after finding a million store employees to help me)
when I got home
and hopped right on to cycle.
It was nice to watch TV in my cozy room
and exercise without going anywhere.
I'm gonna have a nice tight butt
and thin thighs by January 1st, 2014.

Day 429

Yogert - 150cals
Pineapple - 50cals
Tuna Salad w/ Cucumber Slices - 200cals
Popcorn - 100cals
Salad w/ Hardboiled Egg - 200cals

Walk - 150cals
Biking - 200cals

NET: 350

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Selfsie Thinspo

Maybe if I post some
pictures of myself
I'll feel motivated to regain control.
These are all from the past few months.
(at my office)
My thighs are the worst part
so wide from the front
and so thick from the sides.
No amount of cute&fashionable outfits
can cover up a gross body.

Day 428

Yogert - 150cals
Tuna Salad w/ Crackers - 200cals
Cucumber Slices - 20cals
Hardboiled Eggs - 130cals
Salad w/ Feta - 200cals

Walk - 150cals
Biking - 200cals

NET: 350

Monday, November 11, 2013

No Fucking Way.

I have fat thighs.
I have no sex.
I have to find mia.
In my case, though, it's Pizza.
And my thighs never get smaller.
I seriously have to get my shit together.
My man won't fuck me at all.
I'm always too fat to be fuckable.
I need sex - I need the body for sex.
I loved Mia for years&years.
I tend to decide I cannot keep it up.
I must fall back into Mia & become tiny.

Day 427

Pumpkin Seeds - 100cals
Hardboiled Eggs - 250cals
Greek Salad - 200cals
Orange - 50cals
Juevos Rancheros - 300cals

Walk - 250cals
Bike Ride - 200cals

NET: 450

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Eating Liquids

A friend of the boyfriend's
has a tiny girlfriend
and I always assumed she was just
"one of those naturally thin girls"
but I found out the other weekend
just how untrue that is
when he got a little tipsy
and started complaining
about how she never eats.
They just moved in together
(just down the street from our house)
and he said they have no food in the house
which shocked me
cause I figured she ate like a horse
and happened to stay itty-bitty.
He said she focuses on "calories"
instead of food...
...she "eats" an energy drink or frapaccino
instead of chewing on a meal.
I started looking through her old pictures
after hearing what he said.
She definitely used to be "softer."
I found a picture from a wedding a year ago
compared to a wedding she was just in
and she's much bonier.
I need to adopt that mindset!
I'm a fat-disgusting pizza-slamming hog.
I didn't eat one healthy thing all weekend
and now I have a wedding to attend Friday
in a cute dress with a huge body.
Must behave this week.
Absolutely must.

Days 425-426

Day 425
Bacon Omlette - 200cals Lunch:
Tuna Salad w/ Crackers - 200cals
Rice-r-Roni - 200cals
Chicken Wings - 200cals
Wine - 500cals
Walk w/ Stairs & Hills - 200cals
Day 426
Rice-r-Roni - 200cals Lunch:
Pizza w/ Bacon - 300cals Dinner:
Egg Salad w/ Crackers - 200cals
Cleaning - 150cals
NET: 1650

Friday, November 8, 2013

Wedded Thinspo

First there Adriana who got married on
and looked absolutely tiny for her wedding.
There's a scene
where she's walking into the hotel
and her legs look like sticks
in her huge heels and flowy shorts.
If I was going to be the center of attention
and take pictures I'll cherish forever
I guess I'd be really motivated, too.
Then there's my silly sister-in-law
giving my a stack of bridal magazines.
No, the boyfriend&I aren't engaged
and we probably won't be for a while
and I'm more than a-o.k. with that
but it's almost scary to think
that in just a few years
I could be walking down the aisle.
I really should be perfecting my thin frame
instead of losing a bunch then
and having everyone tell me:
how small I look for my wedding...
I want to be itty-bitty for every day.

Day 424

Sushi - 100cals
Pizza - 200cals
Salad - 150cals
Pizza - 300cals

Walk w/ Stairs - 200cals

NET: 550

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Two Years Later

...:Two Years Later:...

I was so gigantically fat in 2011...
I don't know how I snagged my boyfriend then.
Easily 140lbs disgusting I was.
When I think about drunkely fucking him
getting ready for dates
thinking that I was better than him...
I was gross&huge
and lucky that he liked me anyway.
Now, though, I'm much better than I was.
Now, though, he should feel lucky to have me.
Now, though, he should fuck me more often.
I will continue to shrink.
I will always be good enough for him
(maybe even better than him)
and he'll always know he wants me.

TODAY's WEIGH-IN: 125lbs

Day 423

Celery w/ Dip - 150cals
Chips & Queso - 200cals
Sunflower Seeds - 150cals
Sushi - 200cals
Beer - 200cals
Late Night Binge:
Jalapeno Poppers - 300cals

Run - 200cals
Elliptical - 300cals

NET: 700

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Vanessa Thin

Though I HATE her character
but I do LOVE Jessica Szohr
her tiny frame & awesome fashion sense.
Evertime I see her on screen
I want to throw away my closet
go shopping and intensely diet
so my thighs can be as small as her thighs
in the cutest shorts&skirts&dresses.
It's definitely possible.
I'm well on my way.
Most recent favorite quote
from my actual favorite character:
"Do I look like I've been eating? Don't insult me."
-Blair Waldorf S6E2

Day 422

Hard Boiled Eggs - 100cals
Sunflower Seeds - 150cals
Chips & Queso - 300cals
Celery - 25cals
Tuna & Crackers - 200cals

Walk w/ Stairs - 200cals
Crunches - 100cals

NET: 475

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Sexy Sitcoms

Two thinspirational shows I'm into:
Goodness... they're both sexy
and full of tiny people.
and mysterious&perfect witches in Coven
enticing me into a witchcraft fascination
and a desire to throw away my colorful clothing
and adopt a black cat.
They're both small&sexy
and probably party&diet like professionals.
Hannah Ware the actress who plays Sarah Hanley
is so thin&beautiful
her clothes hang off her body
and her sex scenes make me want my own affair.
I anxiously await each upcoming episode.

Day 421

Popcorn - 200cals
Apples & Oranges - 100cals
Sunflower Seeds - 150cals
Chicken Breast - 400cals
Pizza - 250cals

Walk - 200cals
Elliptical - 300cals

NET: 600

Monday, November 4, 2013

Over-Sized Thin

My brother came to visit me last weekend.
He has the body of a male model
and always makes me feel fat&disgusting
(not on purpose - he'd never talk down to me)
and he loves to encourage when I'm tiny.
We went shopping on Sunday morning
and he commented on my clothing choices.
He thought my gigantic sweaters were fun
and complimentary on my small frame
which I felt to be an excellent observation.
Over-Sized Sweaters & Tights & Booties
are my prefered outfit these days.
Sometimes I feel like the tinier I get
the bigger my clothes get...
I like feeling like I'm swimming in them.
Maybe it's silly, but it makes me happy.
I need to stop eating all this naughty shit, though.
I've had SO MUCH PIZZA lately
I could kill myself by drowning in marinara!
It's disgusting.
And disturbing.
And I'll never look good matter how big my clothes are!

Day 420

Carrots - 150cals
Pumpkin Seeds - 100cals
Pizza - 500cals
Cheese Bread - 150cals

Walk - 200cals
Elliptical - 300cals

NET: 400

Sunday, November 3, 2013


...though I couldn't take up smoking again...
I can't deny that I miss it.
These Angus&Julia song make it even worse.
The comfort in a cigarette...
when I didn't want to think&function.
The excuse to exit a an uncomfortable situation:
for a cigarette.
No food for me - I'm smoking.
A friend craddled between my fingers.
A box&lighter calling from my purse.
You need nothing but me.
(and maybe coffee.)
I miss those days for sure.
But, I've seen first-hand the ugly side-effects
and I'm not willing to sacrifice that much.
Mary-Jane, though, is another story.

"Chocolates & Cigarettes"
Living on a diet of Chocolates & Cigarettes
I wanna call you again
I'll drink tea sometimes when it's cold
This is getting old
I call you again

Still too young to fail, too scared to sail away
But one of these days I'll grow old
And I'll grow brave and I'll go
One of these days

Blowing out the candles from my cake
I choke on the smoke as I look around the room
Everybodys wishing for no more mistakes
And all that I can think about is you

Still too young to fail, to scared to sail away
But one of these days I'll grow old
And I'll grow brave and I'll go
One of these days
La da la da la da

Still too young to fail, too scared to sail away
But one of these days I'll grow old
And I'll grow brave and I'll go
One of these days
La da la da la da

"I'm Not Yours"
Angus & Julia Stone

Light me up a cigarette and put it in my mouth
You're the only one that wants me around
And I can think of a thousand reasons why
I don't believe in you, I don't believe in you and I

Light me up a cigarette and put it in my mouth
You're the only one that wants me to die
And I can think of a thousand reasons why
I don't believe in you, I don't believe in you

I'm not yours anymore
I'm not yours anymore
No, I'm not yours anymore
I'm not yours anymore

Jump into your white mobile and run away
You're always leaving me behind
And I can think of a thousand reasons why
I don't believe in you, I don't believe in you and I

I'm not yours anymore
I'm not yours anymore
No, I, I'm not yours anymore
I'm not yours anymore

Light me up a cigarette and put it in my mouth
You're the only one that wants me around
And I can think of a thousand reasons why
I don't believe in you, I don't believe in you and I