Friday, May 24, 2013

Vacation Time

Off to spend a week in the sunshine.
Be back in a week.

I will keep my Food Diary
throughout the entire vacation.
Just because I'm out of the country,
doesn't mean I can let myself get fat.
I believe, I believe, I believe in myself
and my strength to maintain
the hard work&effort I've put forth.

Day 356

Thursday, May 23, 2013


Last Friday was movie day
and I decided to watch LOL...
pretty silly&cheesy movie,
but Miley Cyrus and Demi Moore
are both beautiful&thin people.
Recently, too, I've been loving Miley's style.
Her outfit at the 2013 Costume Institute Gala
was definitely one of my favorites...
I'm just loving all these 90's looks.
the Dr. Martins
the Mesh
the Tied-up Button-down Tops
...all of it.

Day 355

Taco Salad - 300cals
Almonds - 200cals
Crackers & Guacamole - 200cals
French Fries - 100cals

Walk - 150cals

NET: 650

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Defeated Bestie

My best friend is going on my upcoming vacation
she's been so discouraged about her lack of weightloss
though she claims to be eating "super healthy"
and exercising daily.
Well now... I know her
and I know she loves carbs.
Not that I'm knocking her eating habits.
She can do whatever she likes.
And she's never been overweight in my eyes,
so I don't think she should worry.
But, I know that everyone has their own views
and her view of herself is different than mine
...just like when people tell me to "eat something"
when I'm feeling like a fuckin' elephant.
I try to reiterate to her:
it's not about the weight.
You should focus on how you look&feel.
I'm consistently between 125-130lbs,
but I wear x-smalls&zeros
and am generally described as small.

I just want her to feel confident&happy
and thoroughly enjoy our vacation.
I think she's beautiful,
but... as we all know
our perceptions are only our own.

Day 354

Vegan Yogert & Fruit - 150cals
Taco Salad - 300cals
Baked Potato Chips - 50cals
Hot & Spicy Pickles - 20cals
Guacamole & Wheat Crackers - 200cals
Lemon Sherbet - 250cals

Bike Ride - 200cals
Walk - 100cals
Abs & Arms - 100cals

NET: 570

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Courtney Thorn-Smith-Thin

is in two of the shows I've watched lately
When Melrose started,
she seemed to just have a normal body,
but as the show progressed, she got smaller, and
- by the time she starred in Ally McBeal -
she'd gotten even more fit.
I really like her body, actually.
She's got great arms and a small waist
but it's obvious that her frame isn't tiny by nature,
so I can appreciate
the hard work she's put into maintaining her physique.
She's winy&needy on both shows,
but it's pretty funny&bearable.

As for "modern television,"
she's the mom on According to Jim
and she's still adorable&small.
I remember when that show first started
my mom mentioned thinking Courtney was cute
- now that I've seen her throughout the years -
I can see where the affection stems from.
I love the outfit she's wearing in the above photo, too.
It reminds me of dresses I dreamed of wearing
back in elementary school.

Day 353

Apple - 80cals
Bagel w/ Guacamole - 300cals
Cupcake Frosting - 100cals
Salad w/ Hard-boiled Eggs - 200cals
(non-vegan, I know! how naughty!)

Walk - 150cals
Bike Ride - 200cals
Arms & Abs - 100cals

NET: 230

Monday, May 20, 2013

Bachelorette Thinspo

I decided to watch Bachelorette on Netflix recently.
I can't say I loved it...
but it was definitely a source of thinspo.
Kirsten Dunst is bulimic in the movie
(or had been bulimic)
and decides to purge when she's stressed,
which is something I've done often in life.
And all the main characters are teeny-tiny...
besides the actual bride
who says everyone thinks she's
"too fat to get married."
Also, there's some coke-usage,
which is another path I've taken to thin in the past.
So, anywho,
it was just a bit of unhealthy motivation
to stay on the skinny-trail.
In general,
I love Kirsten.
She's always been tiny
with an adorable-little-body
and roles that I enjoy.
I can never pass up a Kirsten Dunst movie.

Days 350-352

Day 350
Grilled Veggie Ciabatta - 150cals
IPA - 150cals
Wheat Crackers & Peanut Butter - 200cals
Salad w/ Italian - 200cals

Walk - 200cals

Day 351
Crackers & Peanut Butter - 200cals
Veggie Patty - 150cals
Salad w/ Italian - 150cals
Vanilla Cake w/ Frosting - 200cals

Bike Ride - 350cals

Day 352
Vanilla Frosting from Cupcake - 100cals
Taco Salad - 200cals
Veggie Sushi - 200cals
Late Night Snack:
French Fries - 150cals

Walk - 300cals

3 Day NET: 1200

Friday, May 17, 2013


So, today is my birthday.
A May birthday...
...just like lots of people's birthdays.
And it's not too exciting.
I can count my "good birthdays" on one hand
and I don't expect this one to be one of them.
This always seems to be a busy time for friends
and my birthday takes a backseat to their plans.
Oh, well.
I don't need cake, ice cream, or naughties.
I've got a million birthday coupons
from all the clubs&mailings I'm a part of,
but free desserts&burgers
are not what I need before vacation.
I'll brush it under the rug
and indulge a bit in June.

Day 349

Pumpkin Pancake - 150cals
Apples & Peanut Butter - 200cals
Grapefruit - 50cals
Red Wine - 200cals

Long Walk - 250cals

NET: 350

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Ally McThin

I took a week off from Melrose Place
to watch Ally McBeal.
I wanted a good thinspo show
and I know Calista Flockhart
is a teeny-tiny person.
Even in over-sized 90's power suites
with shoulder pads
she looks so itty-bitty.
It was definitely some great thinspo.
Finished season 1...
I'll go back to it eventually.
It's funnier than I expected,
so I'm kind of excited to watch more.

Day 348

Pumpkin Muffin - 150cals
Cucumber & Hummus Wrap - 150cals
Vegan Strawberry Froyo - 200cals
Vegan Patty w/ Lettuce Wrap - 100cals

Walk - 150cals
Arms & Abs - 100cals
Cycling - 200cals

NET: 150

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

TV Fashion

As you've probably noticed,
I love to gather inspiration
from television&movies
so when I stumbled across this site
I found it fascinating&exciting.
I don't have much desire
to actually buy anything...
[I'm far too cheap to buy most of it]
but it's interesting to see
where outfits come from.

Day 347

Pumpkin Muffin - 150cals
Apples & Peanut Butter - 200cals
Almonds - 150cals
Garden Burger in Lettuce Wrap - 260cals

Walk - 100cals

NET: 660

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Travel Desires

This post has nothing to do with
weight, eating habits, health, or body image
- wild, I know -
but I came across this blog
and the pictures took my breath away.
I guess,
when it comes down to it,
I'd like my blog to have more to do with
My happiness directly correlates with
how I look&feel
but I also think my life
needs to take priority over my obsession
with weight&image.
So, here's a little peak into my soul:
I absolutely love architecture
[especially old buildings]
and finding beauty in unexpected places.
I love recycling&re-purposing.
I love traveling&exploring.
And I hope someday I can see the world
and enjoy every moment of it.
Sometimes I fear I'm simply living
nothing special
and I know I need to live.

Day 346

Pumpkin Muffin - 150cals
Apples & Peanut Butter - 200cals
Pickles - 20cals
Tater Tots w/ Ketchup - 200cals
Chocolates - 200cals
Pretzels - 100cals

Walk - 250cals

NET: 620

Monday, May 13, 2013

Monday Size

I found this horribly-disgusting-fat-picture of me
while scrolling through old posts the other day
and decided I'd do a little Before&After.
This was 2010,
which seems like ages ago.
I was at a summer music festival
runnin' around in my bra&undies...
and, at the time, I knew I was fat,
but I don't think I really realized how fat.
I have no idea what I weighed back then...
Probably higher than the highest weight I accept,
which is totally shameful.
Never again.
July 2010
May 2013

Day 345

Grapefruit - 50cals
Veggie Stir Fry - 150cals
Apple w/ Peanut Butter - 200cals
Veggie Patty w/ Mustard - 100cals
Vegan Vanilla Ice Cream - 200cals

Walk - 150cals
HIT Training - 400cals
Arms & Abs - 150cals

NET: 0

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Melrose Thin

I started watching Melrose Place
a couple weeks ago.
It's a wild show
with crazy characters&plotlines.
Sometimes it's infuriating...
but I've liked season 4 a lot more.
The people aren't so evil,
which is a definite relief.
A few things I've loved from the get-go:
the 90's clothes
the beautiful&tiny actors&actresses.
It makes me want to run out and buy
...funny thing:
I wrote this post a couple weeks ago
(I try to keep a bunch ready in advance)
and just after I wrote it
I went to the Taylor Swift concert
and everyone was wearing cropped-tops!

Soon, I'll fill you all in on the high-waisted shorts craze!


Day 243
"Taco Salad" - 200cals
Spinach & Tomatoes w/ Olive Oil - 100cals
Warm Brownie w/ Vegan Ice Cream - 200cals

Walk - 150cals

Day 244
Pumpkin Pancakes - 200cals
Apples & Peanut Butter - 200cals
Dark Chocolate Caramels - 100cals
Fettuccine w/ Marinara & Bread - 400cals

Run - 150cals
Jumping Jacks - 100cals

NET: 900

Friday, May 10, 2013

Concert Thinspo

About a month ago
The boyfriend bought me tickets for Christmas
and I'd almost forgotten that I got to go
in the time between then and the concert.
She was amazing, btw.
Honestly, the best artist I've ever seen preform
and I love music&shows.
I think one of the most interesting things to me
was looking at everyone's outfits.
Obviously, Taylor is a young&fashionable girl
and her fans follow suite flawlessly.
I was inspired by all the clothes&shoes...
...all I wanted to do was snap pictures
of things to buy for myself.
I was also very thinspired by Taylor's adorableness
in all her beautiful outfits.
She's not tiny...
just perfect.
She jumped around up&down the stage&stairs
on her extravagant set
and I couldn't help but admire her tight little body. it's time to shop
for more high-waisted shorts 
(which were what I actually wore to the show)
and some cute, button-downs
with lots of lace&crochet embellishments.

Day 242

Apples & Peanut Butter - 300cals
Chips & Guacamole - 200cals
Dark Chocolate Caramels - 250cals
Beer - 500cals

Walk - 150cals
Abs & Weights - 100cals

NET: 1000

...haven't had a naughty day like this is a while.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Inflammation Irritation

So, I've been running like I said I wanted to,
but of course it hasn't been as easy as I'd hoped.
First, I had a lump in the top of my foot
that throbbed with shooting pain
with every step.
Then last night
I felt like my bones were rubbing on each other...
like my knee was going to fold over itself...
like the top&bottom would slip side-by-side.
Today, my hip&knee are swollen&inflamed
and I can't figure out why.
I looked up whether or not it's the food I'm eating.
I've been having lots of guacamole
and I wondered if avocados caused inflammation,
but apparently the prevent it.
I found that ginger is highly recommended
to decrease inflammation,
which doesn't make sense since I drink my tea daily
and my joints still ache.

I just don't know.
I'm not going to stop running...
or keeping up with my healthy diet,
so lets hope the inflammation simply calms down.

Day 241

Peanut Butter & Celery - 300cals
Salad w/ Olive Oil - 150cals
Almonds - 100cals
Light Soy Mocha Frap - 150cals

Walk - 150cals
Run - 100cals

NET: 450

Wednesday, May 8, 2013


The boyfriend&I ordered these
Green Coffee Bean capsules
through groupon a while back
and finally get them in the mail.
You just take one 2x daily
30 minutes before meals.
They don't make me feel any different yet.
I might up it to two 2x daily...
we'll see.
One nice thing is that I can't just
eat whenever I'm hungry
or think I'm hungry
because I have to have an empty stomach
and 30-minutes to wait.
On a different note,
the boyfriend has decided that I'm not losing
because I'm not eating enough,
which I think is an annoying concept.
I hate those things that say:
You have to eat to lose weight.
I just want to have negative intake
and be tiny...
but I can't deny that it's not working.
I net so low every single day
and I never seem to get smaller.

Day 240

Greek Salad - 150cals
Hummus & Peppers - 150cals
Almonds - 150cals
"Taco Salad" - 150cals

Walk - 150cals
Run - 200cals

NET: 250

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

"Real Women"

I know, this video was so 2-weeks ago
but I had too many posts planned
to talk about it back then.
I like the idea of what Dove did.
I think people view themselves
much differently than strangers view them
but I guess
-to play Devil's Advocate-
I'll say that:
just because no one described you as a fatty
to your face
doesn't mean you aren't.
And just because a stranger wouldn't tell you:
you look old
doesn't mean you don't.
It's all about the way you feel about yourself
-not the perceptions of those around you-
and you'll only look as good as you feel.

This tumblr post I found about the ad is interesting
and points out how often people use
fat&thin and young&old
as descriptive terms.
Whether we like it or not, 
we live in a world where looks are key
and that is a cold hard fact.

Day 139

Grapefruit - 50cals
Chips & Guacamole - 200cals
"Taco Salad" - 200cals

Walk - 150cals

NET: 300

Monday, May 6, 2013


 My outfits lately haven't been the most professional
not that I actually have to dress professionally...
but I used to at least try.
[sometimes I still do.]
Now I've basically been wearing
whatever makes me feel good
and today it was a pair of ripped-up tights.
My boss asked if I "needed a couple bucks"
to buy real pants.
I laughed and said "no, I like them this way."

Day 238

Salad w/ Olive Oil - 150cals
Cucumbers & Pita w/ Hummus - 200cals
5 Tootsie Rolls - 100cals
Grapefruit - 50cals
Vegan Chocolate Cupcake - 200cals

Walk - 150cals
Elliptical - 200cals

NET: 350

Sunday, May 5, 2013

My Tea

I love to make this cleanse tea.
I'm having it for breakfast
every morning till vacation.

1/2 cup Chopped Ginger Root
10 Green Tea Bags
2 tsp Cayenne Pepper
3 cups Lemon Juice
2 gallons Water

I put the cayenne pepper in an emptied tea bag and tie it shut so it doesn't float around in my tea then boil the concoction in a huge pot for about 2 hours. Then I strain it into a couple big pictures and put them in my fridge to cool. Sometimes I save a few water bottles and put the mixture right into the bottles so I can take them with me easily. Otherwise, I fill one up every morning and take it with my morning vitamins.

Day 236-237

Day 236
Wheat Toast w/ Strawberry Jam - 150cals
Orange - 80cals
French Fries - 150cals

Long Walk w/ Stairs - 300cals

Day 237
Peanut Butter & Celery - 200cals
Edamame - 100cals
Chips w/ Guac & Salsa - 250cals

Walk - 150cals

NET: 480

Friday, May 3, 2013

My Look

So I follow quite a few other blogs
I was thinking the other night:
mine looks super boring
compared to all these.
I like the simplicity...
I guess my lifestyle has a lot to do with cutting back
getting down to basics&necessities for survival
... a simply body - skin&bones.
But, I figured I'd throw out this question:
How do you, my readers, feel about my blog?
Should I change up the pictures?
Spice up the background?
Make in more interesting in some way?

Let my know, my loves.

Day 235

Grapefruit - 70cals
Cucumber - 10cals
Apple - 80cals
Chips w/ Rice & Salsa - 300cals

Walk w/ Stairs - 150cals

NET: 310

Thursday, May 2, 2013


Sometimes I think people need to be reminded
that amazing bodies take a lot of hard work
coming from someone who has spent
over 10 years as an on&off Ana&Mia participant
I know that I'll never "wake up skinny
or stay that way without a lot of effort.
The effort is worth it.
The results are worth it.
I will remember to keep on working.

Day 234

Grapefruit - 50cals
Hummus & Veggies - 150cals
Vegan Raspberry Sorbetto - 100cals
Peanut Butter - 200cals
Romaine w/ Peppers - 100cals

Walk w/ Stairs - 200cals
Lift - 100cals

NET: 300

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Dressing Lately

I've been feeling pretty good lately
though I'm not where I'd like to be
...just accessorizing&dressing
more fashionably
makes me think thin thin thin
and feel hot hot hot.
And motivated.
Gotta keep it up.

Day 233

Grapefruit - 60cals
Almonds - 160cals
Grilled Zucchini & Asparagus - 100cals
Mashed Cauliflower - 130cals
Greek Salad - 150cals
Scoop of Vegan Froyo - 50cals
Cycling - 350cals

NET: 300