Attention&Vomit

Generally my thoughts just go:

I must be thin.

But sometimes I think:

what led me to this mindset?

I guess I can point some of it toward

my senior year in high school.

I'd put on a little weight at the beginning of that year.

(chubby cheeks & lots of layered clothes)

- incredibly uncomfortable in my own body -

And I had a hot new science teacher

- a classmate of my oldest brother
&
recent grad of my future university -

who gave me some attention...

...but not enough.

As my bulimia took hold

and my body started shrinking

I got what I wanted.

.from lots of sources.

And

- from that time on -

I knew what I needed to do for attention

(though I'm sure I'd known for a long time)

and I willingly accepted any/all drastic measures.

That teacher is married now.
(I think to the women he'd been dating back then.)
But he definitely liked to give me attention
- I've gotten inappropriate attention from a lot of men over the years -
and it all made me want to
shrink shrink shrink
down to nothing.

Thus, I think:
I must be thin.