Buffet Control

No matter how much I desire to behave

-

I can never turn down a casino buffet.

I may be able to practice self-control

I may be able to resist getting more than one dessert.

I may be able to avoid the majority of the carbs.

But I'll never be able to say "no" to a buffet offer.

Days 19-20

.Terrible Weekend.

Donuts

Mashed Potatoes & Gravy

Pizza

Beer

Mac & Cheese

No workouts all last week...
...6am workouts start tomorrow.

(this shit's ridiculous, fatty.)

Sushi Addiction

I could eat sushi all the time.

And I don't think it's too bad for me,

so I'd probably survive the addiction.

(without gaining a million pounds)

It's a little too expensive to indulge in all the time, though,

so I try to restrict it to only casino visits.

Maybe this weekend...

Day 18

Breakfast:
Egg Beaters - 25cals
Turkey Sausage - 160cals
Jalapenos - 5cals
Lunch:
4oz Chicken - 110cals
Dinner:
Taco Salad - 200cals

Total: 500cals

*Snacks*
((((fatty))))

Mexican Leftovers

My boyfriend made us "healthy nachos" for dinner tonight.

We have a mexican restaurant right around the corner from our apartment and the smell is a salty-smack-in-the-face every time we walk out the door, so we tend to think of mexican-options every time we discuss dinner-options.

Tonight's dinner was a great choice. First, because it was delicious and adorable to watch him slave in the kitchen. And second, because I love day-after mexican. I make a yummy salad with taco toppings instead of the same-old veggies&italian.

So, obviously, I'm looking forward to tomorrow's taco salad.

Day 17

Breakfast:
Egg Beaters - 25cals
Turkey Sausage - 160cals
Jalapenos - 5cals
Lunch:
4oz Chicken - 110cals
Brown Rice - 110cals
Green Beans - 25cals
Dinner:
Homemade "Healthy Nachos" - 300cals

Total: 735cals

Laxative Love

I've been taking laxatives since high school...

...probably 10th grade.

I got the habit from my mother who binge eats chocolate chip cookies then takes 12 laxatives and spends the next day in the bathroom getting rid of the shit she ate.

It seems to work for her and - with the pressures of high school back then - I figured I'd take up her habit so I could enjoy food with friends without accepting the extra pounds.

I've never given up the habit.

I don't even want to think of how much money I've spent on food&laxatives over the years.

So, I'd like to make a goal to ween myself off them.

Eventually I'd like to control my eating

- and eat only easily-digestible foods -

so I won't need them anymore.

For now, though, I take laxatives every night.

Maybe... I'll start by cutting back on the amount.

Day 16

Lunch:
4oz Chicken - 110cals
Brown Rice - 110cals
Green Beans - 25cals
Dinner:
Broccoli Rice Casserole - 300cals

Total: 545cals

Pre-Workout Motivation

I have a problem with exercise motivation.

I go in spurts.

Daily runs and hardcore cardio for a week straight...

...then I lay on the couch for the next week.

It's bad.

I have a great pre-workout that keeps me going once I get to the gym,

but it's the whole getting-to-the-gym part I'm awful at sometimes.

.Must find motivations.

.Must work out.

Must have calorie deficit to shrink.shrink.shrink.

Get it together, you FatCow.

Day 15

Breakfast:
Egg Beaters - 25cals
Turkey Sausage - 160cals
Jalapenos - 5cals
Lunch:
4oz Chicken - 110cals
Brown Rice - 110cals
Green Beans - 25cals
Dinner:
Veggie Pita Wrap - 200cals

Total: 635cals

Smoke Free

I've never considered myself a "smoker."

But I've smoked off&on for 4 years now.

There was a point when I took comfort in smoking

- holding a cigarette while sipping a coffee or reading a book.

Then it became more of a digestive thing

- smoking to kick-start the 'ole metabolism.

[something a good girlfriend of mine had always done.]

Sadly, though, I've decided to stop.

And, though I never considered myself a "smoker,"

not having the occasional cigarette is surprisingly tough.

Especially after an exceptionally large meal.

Day 14

Breakfast:
Protien Shake - 100cals
Dinner:
4oz Chicken - 110cals
Brown Rice - 110cals
Green Beans - 25cals

Total: 345cals

Baked Goods

Since moving to Florida

Publix has become my favorite grocery store.

Unfortunately

...their bakery has become my favorite part.

My boyfriend and I discovered this awesome cake as an anniversary treat a couple months ago and I crave it all the time. We've only gotten it just that once, but I eye the cake every time I'm in.

Someday, I'll be bony and allow myself to buy another.

Days 12-13

Overall healthy weekend.

Some wedding cake frosting on Saturday night.

And Arby's Mozzarella Sticks Sunday night.

But overall healthy.

Munchies

I need to NOT get high

and eat everything in sight.

My munchie binges

(as of late)

have included:

cherry slice candy

ramen noodles

peanut m&ms

kettle cook chips

.SHIT.

.i am disgusting.

Day 11

Lunch:
4oz Chicken - 110cals
Brown Rice - 110cals
Broccoli - 25cals
Dinner:
Turkey Meatballs - 200cals

Total: 445cals

BrusselSprouts

When I'm craving a salty snack, I've always found vegetables to be a great option.

When I was younger, I'd make some frozen corn then salt&pepper it to much on.

Lately, my addiction has been brussel sprouts.

I coat them in vinegar&spices then slowly bake them.

The crunch is so perfect.

I can almost pretend they're chips.

Day 10

Lunch:
4oz Chicken - 110cals
Brown Rice - 110cals
Broccoli - 25cals
Dinner:
2 JennieO Turkey Patties - 360cals
Salad - 60cals

Exercise:
Run - 160cals

Total: 505cals

Carb Fear

My boyfriend has instilled the *Fear of Carbs* in me.

I've always been more of a *Fat Free* kind of girl,

but he nerded-out

and

told me about the sugar/carbs in food I thought were great-for-me that only turned to undigesting fat in my growing belly.

*GROSS*

So, now I'm a *Low Carb* kind of girl.

And I like it that way.

I do miss fruit salads, though.

When I decide to cut something out

(like carbs)

I cut it for real.

Sorry, fruit.

Day 9

Breakfast:
Egg Beaters - 25cals
Turkey Sausage - 160cals
Jalapenos - 5cals
Lunch:
4oz Chicken - 110cals
Brown Rice - 110cals
Broccoli - 25cals
Dinner:
Salad - 160cals

Exercise:
Elliptical - 370cals
Run - 160cals

Total: 55cals

Old Inspiration

I've been looking at old pictures of myself lately.

...back when people described me as "fragile"...

And listening to music from years ago

...years when I was fragile...

Good Pictures - Good Time

- Need Back -

k?

Day 8

Breakfast:
Egg Beaters - 25cals
Turkey Sausage - 160cals
Jalapenos - 5cals
Lunch:
4oz Chicken - 110cals
Brown Rice - 110cals
Broccoli - 25cals
Dinner:
2 JennieO Turkey Patties - 360cals
Salad - 60cals

Exercise:
Elliptical - 370cals
Run - 160cals

Total: 325cals

135Sucks

Finally weighed myself today

–

to know what goals lI needed to make for the journey I’m re-starting.

135.

Fuck me.

Time to get my butt in gear.

Day 7

Breakfast:
Protein Shake – 150cals
Lunch:
Protein Shake – 100cals
Dinner:
Pickle – 5cals

Exercise:
1 mile run – 100cals

Total: 155cals

Strawberry Cupcakes

Homemade sweets are a definite weakness of mine.

I inherited the problem from my mother

who's specialties include

.chocolate chip cookies.

.cream cheese oreos.

.vanilla cake with butter-cream frosting.

Thus, turning down made-from-scratch

.strawberry birthday cupcakes.

was nearly impossible.

I controlled myself enough to keep the indulgence to one.

Days 5&6

This weekend was alright for food – despite the birthday cupcakes – but exercise didn’t work out so well. Not that I’ve been working out a ton since my friends’ wedding a few weekends ago. Had quite a few carbs as a ‘last hoorah’ with the boyfriend.

This week will be better – nowhere to go but up.

Dinner Beer

Sometimes I simply crave a good craft beer.

But they're so awful for me.

Thus, beer becomes dinner instead of real food.

I was a drunkorexic in college...

...I suppose I could be one again.

Day 4

Breakfast:
Raspberries - 100cals
Lunch:
Vegetarian Sub - 300cals
Dinner:
Gnocchi w/ Marinara Sauce - 300cals

Exercise:
2 mile walk - 100cals

Total: 600cals

DC Addiction

I have a severe Diet Coke addiction.

My boyfriend brought home a 12pack

tonight

and I've already had 3 of them.

Woops.

Good thing their 'diet.'

Day 3

Breakfast:
Nothing
Lunch:
Brussel Sprouts - 90cals
Dinner:
Baby Greek Salad - 150cals
1/2 cup Lemon Rice Soup - 50cals

Exercise:
2 miles walk - 100cals

Total: 190cals

StirFry

My boyfriend&I used to be obsessed with Mongolian BBQ.

(before we moved)

Homemade stirfry just never seems to turn out as good,

but the concept is nice&healthy

any way it's created.

Day 2

Breakfast:
Sugar Free Oatmeal – 100cals
Lunch:
Vegetarian Gumbo – 280cals
Dinner:
Salad – 100cals
Snack:
Tootsies & Fiber One Bar – 160cals

Exercise:
2 mile run – 100cals

Total: 530cals

I'm Back

It's been too long.

Not sure what I weigh.

Probably between 128-132lbs.

After my friend's wedding

- which I looked excellent in -

I allowed myself some indulgence.

No more.

Day 1 (again)

Breakfast:
Pickle - 20cals
Lunch:
Vegetarian Stir Fry - 250cals
Dinner:
Hardboiled Egg Salad - 260cals
Snack:
Seasoned Crackers - 100cals
Workout:
Elliptical - 20mins - 100cals

Net - 530cals

Cut Back.

Things I should cut back on

but may indulge in

every once in a while.

Sushi

 Salad w/ Low Carb Toppins

Diet Soda (to fill my belly)

 Poached Eggs (without toast)

Lots&Lots of Caffeine

 Oatmeal with Fruit

Green Tea

 Protien&Fiber Muffins

 Soup&Fruit from Panera

No More.

Shit I should never've had.

And WILL NOT have

till my goals are met.

 a million jell-o cupcakes

Chocolate Chip Cookies

 Butter-Cream Frosted Cupcakes

Full-Fat Shakes with Whipped Cream

 Olive Garden's Pumpkin Cheesecake

Free Chips&Salsa at any Mexican Place

 Mike's Hard (sugar.sugar) Lemonades

Donuts - any&all Donuts

 Peanut M&Ms

Book 5

- Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia -

by: Marya Hornbacher

Book 4

- Unbearable Lightness -

by: Portia de Rossi

Book 3

- Hunger Point -

by: Jillian Medoff

Book 2

- Diary of an Anorexic Girl -

by: Morgan Menzie

Book 1

- The Hunger Scream -

by: Ivy Ruckman