Random Outfits

Super old outfit photos from an unpublished draft in 2014...

PostSecret Facts

My butt, please?

Snooki Workouts

I know she's old news

but she's still adorable.

Before & After

She's so cute.

I really wish I had a trainer

to light a fire under my fat butt.

Gotta Keep It Up

Dressed For Thin

So much thin in one picture!

Me In March

Feeling Fat!

How did I miss this, Facebook!?

I would have used it all the time!

Too funny.

Up Up Up

Lately I need lots of caffeine.

Muffin Maker

I love to make muffins.

Whenever I have browning bananas laying around

I immediately decide to make muffins.

Often, though, I don't even eat them.

I share them with my roommates or coworkers...

and somehow get out of eating them myself.

It's really just the baking part I love.

Kaitlyn's Insta

Kaitlyn wasn't my favorite on this past season of the Bachelor,

but I started following her on Instagram

and she's definitely thinsiraptional.

I'm still #TeamBritt, though.

Kaitlyn is one of those girls who knows she's tiny

and tries to play off the "I'm so cute" card effortlessly.

Running Rat

February & March

Spent 2 months as a hotel gym rat...

...wishing I could see more results.

I was half marathon training almost every night

even when I spent my days in classes & studying.

I must have simply been eating too much of that cafeteria food

cause even with 800calorie-burning workouts

I didn't seem any smaller.

October & November & December

Now I spend at least 3 nights a week at a hotel...

...and I think I finally may be seeing results.

But it's hard to keep a consistent workout schedule.

Sometimes it's late at night or early in the morning

and sometimes I'm simply exhausted after a long day

but I told myself I have to at least do 30mins of cardio.

For a couple of months now,

I've stuck with my plan well.

Sometimes I feel guilty that 30mins seems like so little,

but it's better than nothing

and I figure -after being on my feet all day- I don't need a ton.

I can tell my thighs&butt are tightening up again, too. 

London Thin

On a day off I had a BravoTV marathon and got hooked on Ladies of London.

Mostly, I loved the scenery and, quite honestly, hated the fashion.

My favorite ones are Marissa and Annabelle.

(Blonde in the yellow & Brunette with the bangs)

They're both thin&beautiful and less dramatic&cliquie than the others.

a mess

It's been a while.

I know.

Just enough time for me to make a royal mess of my life.

The BF&I were pretty much done in July.

Of course, before I could even accept the change: I met someone.

At first I tried to avoid it.

...brush it off & neglect my desire to be near him.

But then I moved in with him.

Cause I'm an absolute idiot.

And the magical moments seeped into my brain.

He'd come home and rush up the stairs to hug me

...just to hug me cause he needed to.

He'd cook for me and snuggle me and smile at me 24/7.

We chose not to discuss our past relationships.

We tried to keep things casual

...but the emotions were running high.

And at some point, I said too much.

I shared too much.

I got too vulnerable.

And while he was discussing his desires to pack on some muscle

I was letting my ED issues show through,

which was not a topic he understood too well.

Worry & critiquing.

Telling me to be "healthy" and not to "starve."

So I've realized I need an outlet.

As I've started purging again and I AM trying to starve most days

I need somewhere to speak

so I don't let anything slip to him.

If he even wants me anymore, that is.

I posted a photo of my ex and I on FB while I was tipsy

and now he's asked for some days to think

until we can talk in person.

Goodness.

I don't want to lose him.

And I want to lose 15lbs.

One positive point is that the stress of this silence ruins my appetite.

I had a bunch of drafts to publish back in March.
I'll begin by getting those out once per day
when I don't have anything else to get off my chest.