KEEP GOING

I'm the maid-of-honor in my best friend's wedding

and she's started getting discouraged with her bridal diet.

In the first 2 weeks, she dropped 7lbs

(she doesn't have much to lose in the first place)

and now she's at a stand-still.

Her frustration reminded me of this saying:



Post-pregnancy Perfection

I stumbled upon this article from January

and was shocked by the comments people left on this poor girl's photo.

Pure jealousy - that's for sure.

But still, its so sad to me that our society worships tiny actresses&models

yet hates on them at the same time...

it's a lose-lose.

You're either tiny&perfect yet judged for being "too tiny"

or your fat&unhealthy yet judged for not being "tiny enough."

Why does anyone care what this mother's body looks like?

I know that I post a lot about actresses&musicians

and comment mostly on their appearances

(I mean, come on, you all know this is basically a thinspo blog...)

but I also don't really care if people want to be fatORskinny

as long as they're happy&healthy.

My goodness, the audacity of people to post negative comments

on a woman's progress post-birth is disgusting.

Also, I'd like to point out that her caption mentioned

how hard she's been working out to get this body back...

so it's not like she's even promoting an unhealthy lifestyle!

http://www.takepart.com/article/2015/01/26/mom-gets-shamed-instagram-bikini-selfie?cmpid=tp-fb

Silly Shirt

I thought this was funny

until I went on a girls weekend and made out with a guy from the bar

(or so I've been told - I was too hammered to remember)

...now the thought of anyone but my boyfriend on top of me nauseates me.

I guess I can only live&learn

(and stop drinking so much)

and never do that again.

I do think this shirt is silly, though.

And since I doubt I'll ever run into Theo James throughout my life,

it's probably not a realistic thing to worry about anyway.

Painting Muscles

 So, we're moving.
We bought a house in the neighboring town
and we need to be in by January 1st.
This means I've been doing a ton of painting.
It's exhausting,
but I think my shoulders&arms are gonna look great!

Holiday Exercise

I kicked off the Thanksgiving holiday with lots of exercise.

After a few too many drinks at the bar...

the boyfriend got a ride with his friends

and left me 3.5miles from home

so I walked&ran the whole way alone at 2am.

Though I was fuming from the neglect

I wasn't mad about the exercise

and I felt nice&thin in the morning.

I spent the rest of the weekend doing a lot of walking

while visiting family&friends

so I think I actually did really well!

...If I had a scale, I'd weigh myself.

Maybe after the new year.

Ugh, Breakouts.

I've actually been using Proactiv since March.

I feel like my face got worse for a while there

but it's finally getting better.

Not tanning since fall has definitely

brought out the nature of my skin.

(which isn't necessarily a good thing.)

I've always known that clean eating was key.

I can totally tell when I eat garbage

and my face blows up.

It's like my pours fill with fat&grease&sugar

from the inside

and I look like the shit I shove in my mouth.

So hopefully the combination

of a good cleansing&eating system

will help and I'll finally feel pretty daily.

Post-Preggo Skinny

My preggo friend had her baby last month

and sent me a baby-holding, mirror-selfie this afternoon.

Are you kidding me!? -I thought.

She's smaller than me 3-weeks post-birth.

Guh.

Her legs are toned. Her belly's flat. Her lovehandles don't exist.

Don't get me wrong: I'm totally happy for her and proud of her.

I obvs would never want one of my BF's to get fat

after bringing an adorable little bundle of joy to the world

but I obvs don't want to feel like a fatty next to someone

who just pushed another human being out of her body.

Guess I'll just have to run&diet harder.

We have to at least be equal in size.

Sick Thin

Here's another post I had drafted

and never posted in the fall/winter.

Is it bad that I want a cold

so I can lose my tastebuds&appetite?

Being sick is an easy way to get thin

especially as the weather is cold.

Ironically,

I got sick right after I started half marathon training

and I think it did do me some good.

It wasn't fun to run with sniffles&sneezing

but not being able to taste anything

makes eating much less appealing.

I lived on monster&halls

and I felt pretty tiny&frail.

This past winter I had tenants in my basement.

They sucked.

My Mr.'s high school friend & his girlfriend.

Since the Mr.&I weren't even together:

it was awkward.

Since the girlfriend was a wanna-be-anorexic bitch:

it was annoying.

I'm glad they're gone.

But, anyway, she was always sick

and using it as an excuse to turn down food

and using it as a reason to avoid work

and using it as sympathy for attention from her bf.

Gross.

At least I was only sick for a week

and I still ran between 3-7 miles every day.

Things To Do

Sometimes you just need to distract yourself.

I do it with wine a lot.

I've been trying to cut back

on that sugary-beverage-intake

but I still find myself distracting with wine

and the painting of nails

(though lately I've opted to get them done)

instead of stuffing my face when I get home.

Drink Wine

Paint Nails

Preggo Friend

One of my best girlfriends is pregnant.

She looks like a Barbie.

I'm sure she'll be an adorable preggo lady.

She was joking about her dissapointment

in discovering she only needed to eat

300extra calories for the baby.

"I wanted to eat for two, damnit!"

Cracked me up.

I'm sure she'll never be "that girl"

that gets&stays super fat, though.

She works out & eats right

and she'll be one of "those moms"

who probably loses even more weight after.

Eating Liquids

A friend of the boyfriend's

has a tiny girlfriend

and I always assumed she was just

"one of those naturally thin girls"

but I found out the other weekend

just how untrue that is

when he got a little tipsy

and started complaining

about how she never eats.

They just moved in together

(just down the street from our house)

and he said they have no food in the house

which shocked me

cause I figured she ate like a horse

and happened to stay itty-bitty.

He said she focuses on "calories"

instead of food...

...she "eats" an energy drink or frapaccino

instead of chewing on a meal.

I started looking through her old pictures

after hearing what he said.

She definitely used to be "softer."

I found a picture from a wedding a year ago

compared to a wedding she was just in

and she's much bonier.

I need to adopt that mindset!

I'm a fat-disgusting pizza-slamming hog.

I didn't eat one healthy thing all weekend

and now I have a wedding to attend Friday

in a cute dress with a huge body.

Must behave this week.

Absolutely must.

Purge&Lax

I had broken blood vessels last week

and mouth sores this week.

They're gross&embarrassing

but external proof of my internal satisfaction.

For a while I'd convinced myself not to purge.

I told myself I'd controll my intake

I told myself I'd burn calories through work-outs

instead of throwing-up&laxitive-abuse.

I'm just not losing, though.

So, I've given up on behaving.

I like purging my binges.

I like emptying myself in the morning.

I try&try&try and never shrink...

mia creates more results.

Old Habits, New Look

I haven't purged in a long time.

Sure, I've done a lot of binging

but I haven't purged the binges.

Today, though, I couldn't stop myself.

After a weekend of stretching my stomach

and forgetting my adderal at home

I was in a munchie mood all day.

I ate my healthy salad

then proceeded to get chips&guac and froyo.

As I walked up the stairs I realized:

I have to throw this up.

So I did.

And boy am I out of practice.

I spewed it past the toilet and out my nose.

Disgusting.

Not only did I have to clean up

but my nose is congested and eyes all puffy.

Maybe it will teach me not to binge at all.

Bursted Blood Vessels

I also haven't change the look of my blog

...not once in almost two years.

Unfortunately, my photo editor quit working

so I can't match that bright pink filter anymore.

Now, though, my blog matches my personality

...I was never really very girly or bright.

And now I can start posting personal photos again

since I've been unable without an editor.

New Template Cover

BofoBehavior

The Boyfriend&I have been behavior all week.

I know - 4 days isn't that big of a deal...

but I'm glad we're doing it together.

He really needs to drop some pounds

for his health & his friend's wedding

and I always want to drop some pounds

so it's great to have a partner.

Lots of protien&veggies&fruit

very few carbs.

And now that we've finally closed

on our brand new home

we have lots of workouts in renovations!

Poolside Afternoon

I loved being able to lay outside in California.

Though I was pretty busy with conference stuff

I tried to go out on every break

to work on my tan and enjoy the weather.

Being outside in my bikini

inspires me to make sure I stay thin.

I wish it would have been warmer

...I was surprised,

but maybe that's cause

I'm so used to the humidity of Florida.

XsFeedVest

I was pumped about Target's Feed collection

from the first moment I saw the commercials

so I ran out and got the vest

as soon as the line came out.

More than the vest...

I love its size:

XS

and I can even get it buttoned-up.

Love it.

Thin Goals

I thought I was a MunchMonster last week

but this weekend was even worse.

The boyfriend had a bunch of buddies in town

and we ate&played&drank all weekend.

 I really really really need to get back on track.

I feel like without the motivation of vacation
(the thought of my body in a bikini)

I can't convince myself to behave

and before I know it

I'll have packed on 10lbs

and hate myself.

It's sad that I need a constant goal

to keep thin-thoughts in my mind.

I used to be so dedicated.

Ugh.

So frustrated.

Look at these fat thighs...

these disgusting&gigantic legs.

I have so much work to do.

VacationThin

I came back from vacation...

4lbs lighter than when I left.

Impressive, I think.

(Though now I'm PMSing&craving all things naughty.)

I may not have done a ton of exercising,

but I also didn't do a ton of munching,

so that was good.

And I had a great amount of addy&lax

to keep me on track

when my fellow-vacationers were fattening up.

Inflammation Irritation

So, I've been running like I said I wanted to,

but of course it hasn't been as easy as I'd hoped.

First, I had a lump in the top of my foot

that throbbed with shooting pain

with every step.

Then last night

I felt like my bones were rubbing on each other...

like my knee was going to fold over itself...

like the top&bottom would slip side-by-side.

Today, my hip&knee are swollen&inflamed

and I can't figure out why.

I looked up whether or not it's the food I'm eating.

I've been having lots of guacamole

and I wondered if avocados caused inflammation,

but apparently the prevent it.

I found that ginger is highly recommended

to decrease inflammation,

which doesn't make sense since I drink my tea daily

and my joints still ache.

I just don't know.

I'm not going to stop running...

or keeping up with my healthy diet,

so lets hope the inflammation simply calms down.

Beans&Intake

The boyfriend&I ordered these

Green Coffee Bean capsules

through groupon a while back

and finally get them in the mail.

You just take one 2x daily

30 minutes before meals.

They don't make me feel any different yet.

I might up it to two 2x daily...

we'll see.

One nice thing is that I can't just

eat whenever I'm hungry

or think I'm hungry

because I have to have an empty stomach

and 30-minutes to wait.

On a different note,

the boyfriend has decided that I'm not losing

because I'm not eating enough,

which I think is an annoying concept.

I hate those things that say:

You have to eat to lose weight.

I just want to have negative intake

and be tiny...

but I can't deny that it's not working.
I net so low every single day
and I never seem to get smaller.
Frustrating.