KEEP GOING

I'm the maid-of-honor in my best friend's wedding

and she's started getting discouraged with her bridal diet.

In the first 2 weeks, she dropped 7lbs

(she doesn't have much to lose in the first place)

and now she's at a stand-still.

Her frustration reminded me of this saying:



Get it, Michelle

If I'm super hot like Michelle Rodriguez at age 36

I'll prolly wanna bang some hot models&actors, too!

Cara Delevingne AND Zac Efron

...both in one year...

yes, please.

http://laredosun.us/?p=9190

Timehop Reminder

This photo came up on my Timehop

and I was so shocked by how small I used to be...

I mean, sure, I was younger

...but I wasn't a child...

so the childish frame&legs&arms just threw me off.

I don't even remember looking that way.

I was a much better version of myself 6 years ago.

I really need to get my shit together.

Cafeteria Food

I will eat cafeteria food for the next 46 days.

I think the limited options will actually be helpful.

One summer in college, I worked on my university's campus

and the only thing I ate for months was cafeteria food.

In attempting to avoid the naughty options,

I was left with little else to eat than salad&eggs.

Lets hope for a repeat.

So far I've had:

Salads

Vegan Chili

Beans & Rice

Eggs

Hummus Wraps

...and I've been running.

Keepin' it up.

Natural Shailene

I might very well be obsessed with Shailene Woodley.

Rarely do I find an actress I truly want to emulate

but she intrigues&amazes me.

I've watched so many interviews

and I just think she's so perfect.

I love the way she talks and the way she thinks.

Obviously it's not like a Belieber situation

(gross)

I mean, I'm a 20something semi-successful girl,

but I feel like she's a great person to look up to

...to aspire to be like.

Maybe it's because she's my age and I find myself thinking:

how can she be so in touch with her thoughts&opinions

when I still have no idea what I want&need for my life.

I guess I'll just continue to read articles

like her interview in Natural Health

and try to figure out why her lifestyle connects with me so well.

I've always been a naturalist...

a lifelong vegetarian and major recycler...

I guess I have some soul-searching&internal-digging to do.

http://www.divergentlife.com/2014/04/shailene-woodley-in-natural-health.html



Thin Sisters

Glancing through facebook,

I noticed some of my sisters looking exceptionally thin,

so I had to showcase their perfection

and note my own desires&goals.

Obviously, I'll have to get my butt into gear

and be a little more active

if I aspire to look like the bottom picture.

Rachel Goal

I ran across this red carpet photo of the Friends girls.

Obviously, I had to share the thin.

Jennifer Aniston's body is my new goal.

Britt Thin

I'm not really a fan of The Bachelor.

I used to watch it, but its gotten too far-fetched&dramatic.

This season, though, an old friend of mine is one of the bachelorettes,

so I watched the first episode

(with my best friend who is obsessed).

We both (and the entire world, I think) fell in love with Britt...

who is definitely the most beautiful of the contestants.

I want her thinbody&perfectface.

I honestly feel like her chemistry with Chris was genuine&adorable.

I have a feeling it won't last

(the season's preview didn't look good for her)

but I'm still looking forward to the weekly thispo while she's around.

Clean

I'm sure there are a lot of interpretations to this song,

but it always reminds me of my battle.

I think of "the drought" as when I was trying to "get better."

"10 months sober, I must admit:

just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it."

...the feeling of "beating" anorexia, but missing it.

Yet, in my own mind - the "clean" version of myself I want

is the tiny one.

So, I'll give in.

 

"Clean"

Taylor Swift feat. Imogen Heap
 

The drought was the very worst
When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst
It was months, and months of back and forth
You're still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore

Hung my head as I lost the war, and the sky turned black like a perfect storm

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning
That's when I could finally breathe
And by morning gone was any trace of you,
I think I am finally clean

There was nothing left to do
When the butterflies turned to dust that covered my whole room
So I punched a hole in the roof
Let the flood carry away all my pictures of you

The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning
That's when I could finally breathe
And by morning, gone was any trace of you,
I think I am finally clean
I think I am finally clean
Said I think I am finally clean

10 months sober, I must admit
Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it
10 months older, I won't give in
Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it

The drought was the very worst
When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning
That's when I could finally breathe
And by morning gone was any trace of you,
I think I am finally clean

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning
That's when I could finally breathe
And by morning gone was any trace of you
I think I am finally clean
Finally clean
Think I'm finally clean
Think I'm finally clean

Angel Thin

The 2014 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show aired this week

(obvs, you probably all knew that)

and, of course, I watched&loved it.

I'll admit that I didn't like it as much as years' past

but it was still thinspirational&beautiful.

Those models ...my goodness... have the tiniest&longest legs.

I can't even aspire to look like them

cause my body just isn't made that way.

My favorite Angel is Candice and I loved her fairy look.

And my favorite performer was Taylor Swift

who looked like she should have been one of the Angels herself.

A good watch to make me behave - but not the best show ever.

I think I enjoyed all the workout posts they did even more...

a lot of the Angels posted what they did to prepare

and VS put it on their blog so everyone can "Train Like an Angel."

Maybe I'll try some of the workouts.

Anna Thin

I wish I could describe myself as "very small."

I know she's referring to her height, too,

but in general - she has a tiny body.

I was reading a blog with thinspo movie suggestions

and a lot of people commented that Pitch Perfect is

...I never really noticed, but I can totally see it.

I find it kind of ironic that their are so many movements toward

- accepting your body as it is -

- celebrating your average body -

- embracing your curves -

yet celebrities just get smaller&smaller

and the stories we try to relate to in movies

are acted out by frail actresses that we shouldn't aspire to be.

I'll be watching Pitch Perfect 2 for sure

...and probably fasting that day.

MonoThin

I need mono.

One of my college girlfriends has been sick

...for like a month...

and finally found out that it's mono.

I felt bad

but mostly I felt jealous

of all the weight she'll lose.

Maid Legs

I'm the maid-of-honor in my best friend's wedding next year.

This is her cousin - the bridesmaid who will stand next to me.

Fuck me.

She's such a stick.

I'm going to look like a blob.

I must behave myself.

I will say, though, that my dress size is smaller than hers.

I measured an inch smaller in the waist

(probably because she's a straight-edged stick)

but my legs are obviously fat compared to hers

and these dresses are short, so the difference will show.

Time for some intense leg slimming&toning.

TriggerTuesday

Triggers are wild.

Last night I had martinis with my coworker

and she was telling me about how skinny her daughter is.

I asked if this was something was concerned about

and she told me about her daughter's high school ED.

She's starting her senior year in college

and is dating a man her sisters don't approve of

and has apparently lost a significant amount of weight.

I've been following proana instagram profiles

and I was recently fitted for 2 bridesmaid dresses

but hearing about my coworkers daughter

and her probable rekindling with her ED

motivated me to get my shit together again.

Starting now: I will be thin.

her daughter at high school homecoming



Goal Celebration

This is exactly how it is, though.

And I don't mind.

2009Desires

Since I displayed my current body, I figured I'd also give an example of the body I miss.

Circa 2009

Not a whole lot smaller, but tighter&tinnier for sure.

I miss the thinness of my thighs and my prominent ribs.

I remember at this time I could share jeans with the girl in my Twitter&Thin post.

I don't remember it being that difficult to look this way, either.

I have to get it together. I will.

Twitter&Thin

My feelings obviously stems from jealousy

but they also tie into my long-standing irritation with social media.

First of all, there is no need to post about a workout or a diet.

But, I suppose not everyone has a blog to post through all the time.

Secondly, I hate those tiny fucking legs and wish they were mine!

Anyway... one of my best college girlfriends been doing a lot of posting lately

and losing a bit of weight and it drives me crazy.

She's always been tiny (and always tried to be that way)

but she's also always been rather soft&non-toned

yet right now she's exceptionally thin and obsessed with sharing her workouts via twitter.

I just don't think it's necessary to post about it

especially when it's obvious you work out because you're small!

Guh.

Like I said: jealousy.

I wish my legs looked as thin as hers.

I guess, though, it's benefiting me because I went to spin&ran 10 miles last night

after reading about her double workout day.

Relating to PostSecret

I know I should know better

and I definitely do know better

but I chose to desire an eating disorder.

I may not succeed always - but I want my ED.

I've been a vegetarian since I was a toddler.

Throughout the past year, I ate a lot of meat with the boy, though.

I will not allow myself to get off track anymore.

Being a vegetarian is one of the best ways to avoid eating.

 My body-image issues have existed since I can remember.

My mom was always pointing out people's weight&size

and she was constantly trying new diets.

Often she was convincing me to try them with her.

We had some friends in town this weekend.

Shockingly, our guy friend is the one who binge&purged.

The knowledge that he'd done this shook me

and actually made me never want to b&p again.

I've been a runner my whole life

and I definitely embraced EDs during my highschool running days.

Somehow the less I ate, the better I was.

I'm trying to get back to my roots with this half marathon training.

SimpleLife Flashback

Scrolling through Buzzfeed and I ran across this gem.

Oh, how I miss Paris&Nicole

especially once Nicole got to tiny.

They were straightup outrageous&hilarious.

I wish I didn't have anything to do in life but Not Give a Fuck.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/itsberghayyy/the-25-most-important-things-we-learned-from-the-b1ei

Ugh, Breakouts.

I've actually been using Proactiv since March.

I feel like my face got worse for a while there

but it's finally getting better.

Not tanning since fall has definitely

brought out the nature of my skin.

(which isn't necessarily a good thing.)

I've always known that clean eating was key.

I can totally tell when I eat garbage

and my face blows up.

It's like my pours fill with fat&grease&sugar

from the inside

and I look like the shit I shove in my mouth.

So hopefully the combination

of a good cleansing&eating system

will help and I'll finally feel pretty daily.