Day 361

Breakfast:
Hard Boiled Eggwhites - 100cals
Lunch:
Broccoli w/ Cheese - 200cals
Snack:
Cucumber w/ Hummus - 100cals
Dinner:
Bacon Pizza - 200cals
Exercise:
Cycling - 200cals

NET: 400

Inspire Me

Days 359-360

Day 359
Breakfast:
Cottage Cheese - 200cals
Lunch:
Hard Boiled Eggwhites - 100cals
Pickles - 100cals
Snack:
Chips & Queso - 200cals
Dinner:
Salami - 200cals
Cookie Dough - 100cals

Exercise:
Cycling - 150cals

Day 360
Breakfast:
Carrots & Hummus - 300cals
Lunch:
Hard Boiled Eggwhites - 100cals
Pickles - 100cals
Dinner:
Salami - 200cals
Cookie Dough - 100cals

Exercise:
Cycling - 200cals

NET: 1350

Black&White Inspiration

I will be strong.

I will move on

from this hold fat&food have on me.

I will be happy and tiny again.

I won't eat.

I won't be fat.

I won't be a freak.

I won't be an alcoholic.

I will read all the time.

I don't need anyone's attention

but I will have it.

I'll never truly let anyone in.

I won't smoke cigs

I will smoke weed.

I am not a slut

but I will have sex.

Day 358

Lunch:
Salad w/ Hard Boiled Eggs - 300cals
Snack:
Steamed Broccoli - 100cals
Dinner:
Turkey Sausage - 300cals
Sloppy Joe - 200cals

Exercise:
Cycling - 250cals

NET: 650

Not Failing

I've been looking through old pictures lately

to gain inspiration

and rediscover myself.

I was my smallest from Fall 2008-Spring 2010.

When I think about those days

I don't think about how tiny I was

I think of all that I was going through.

My lover started cheating in Fall 2008.

We battled over&for our relationship for a year.

Then she killed herself.

And I starved through a blacked out depression

till Spring 2010.

Then I got fat.

Really really fat.

I moved away:

I stayed fat.

I moved back home:

I stayed fat.

I moved a couple more times:

I stayed fat.

I've always battled...

always yo-yo'd...

but basically for THREE & A HALF YEARS:

I've been fat.

I've said a million times that

I felt I'd "woken up"

and gotten my grasp back on myself

but I feel that now

I finally realize that I'd never been myself at all.

Myself was that girl who knew her emotions

who starved through them on her own

to deal with all that was happening.

Myself was that girl who discovered adderal

before that Thanksgiving vacation in 2008

and decided that emptiness was all she cared to feel.

And for the first time since the black out:

I feel like myself.

And myself is fragile&emotional.

Myself has gone through heartache&loss.

Myself will not be fat anymore.

It took me a while in 2008

to get down the my smallest recoded weight

but starting at Thanksgiving again

I will find my way back

down-down-down to tiny.

Days 354-357

Intake 354-356:

Turkey

Potatoes

Broccoli & Cheddar Casserole

Chips & Queso

McDonalds Breakfast

French Fries

Bean Burritos

Pizza

Chips

Beer

Intake 357:

Diet Coke

Coffee

Laxatives

Laxative Tea

Output:
Walk w/ Stairs & Hills

NET: FAT FAT FAT GAIN